It is amazing to see how many times two people who love each other can misunderstand each other in an average day. If it happens too much they begin to think they have a “communication problem.” Some people call it “bad communication.” Actually the communication is working fine; it’s the message being conveyed that’s bad. You see, the body doesn’t lie. Though people and words do – bodies, faces, posture and voice tones do not lie.
Most of the time when two people are growing into a couple, they aren’t always as confident with each other as they will become over time. They verbally test the waters instead of just diving right in. It sounds something like this:
A dating couple is just coming off the dance floor of a campus frat party.
He: “Boy, is it hot in here! I sure am thirsty.”
She: “Yeah, me, too.”
He:” If I don’t get something to drink soon, I’m gonna’ die!”
She: “Yeah, me, too.”
He: “Well, if somebody really loved me they would get me something to drink!”
She: “Yeah, me, too!”
Needless to say there could be negative repercussions for the rest of the night after this type of exchange. Here’s another way to get what he wants:
He: “Boy, is it hot in here! I sure am thirsty.”
She: “Yeah, me, too.”
He: “Do you want to go to the bar and get something to drink?”
She: “Sure.”
What’s the difference? In the first example we see the internal thought process of: “please know what I want and go do it for me without being asked. That will prove your love to me so I don’t have to work so hard.” In the second exchange, he asks a specific question, gets the answer and the two are free to go on enjoying the party. No mystery—no drama.
Being able to ask for what we want is a learned skill that is not common in the wild. Practice this and you will save yourself hours and hours of drama and misunderstanding. Just another example of how using Common Sense Removes Nonsense so your relationships Make Sense.
If you need some more examples of making clear and honest requests let me know and let me hear your comments.
Dr. Torri “Love” Griffin, LPC
The Campus Love Coach
“Issuing the LiSENSE 2 DATE from State to State”
Dr. Torri “Love” Griffin, LPC is the creator of the LiSENSE 2 DATE™ Relationship Training Program which teaches singles of all ages to “use common SENSE to remove NONSENSE so their relationships make SENSE.”
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