The next time you are in an argument with someone, I want you to do me a favor. Ready?

Make a mental tally of how many times the word “you” is thrown around by yourself or your communication partner.

(I know what you’re thinking: “Um, Ellen, a little too busy fighting here to think about how I’m doing it!”)

Okay. I’ll buy that. Let’s try again:

Think about your last argument. How many times did you or the other person take ownership of your thoughts, feelings, ideas, anger, etc. by starting off with the word “I”? Do you remember more “you’s” being hurled?

For people who toss around the word “you” as a steady part of their “vocabulary diet”, those communication habits don’t typically change with location or people. Specifically, once college students have to confront a professor, here are some typical “you” phrases that emerge:

• “You gave me a D on that assignment!”
• “You didn’t tell me I was missing essay #3.”
• “Your lectures are boring.”

Notice what they all start with?

With professors, or anyone, why isn’t “I” the rule, rather than the exception? Well, it’s not easy or fun to ask ourselves:

“What did I do to contribute to this situation?”

or

“What could I have done differently?”

or

“What do I think/feel about what’s going on here?”

These are deep questions, for sure! Sometimes, using “I” language requires us to reveal more than we want to. Expressing how confused, scared, concerned, or fearful we are means that we are exposed!

Likewise, isn’t it so much easier and so much more convenient to place blame externally? It has to be your professor’s fault that an assignment didn’t earn the desired grade, that a project was late because of failure to schedule enough time on task, that a lack of listening is really the culprit for information not remembered.

Think about it, though… Isn’t your professor so much more likely to want to help you if you come from a place of humility and ownership–not from a place of defensiveness and blame? People aren’t really listening to us after we “harshly start” with the word “you.” Instead, they are mentally gearing up to defend themselves.

Speaking of the mental piece, you’re probably wondering about the stop sign reference in this post’s title. Our mind and body reacts when someone “you’s” us. Pay attention to your body the next time you hear that simple word without knowing what’s coming next: Do you feel like you want to cover your face? Your head? Crouch down? Look away? Put your hand up like a stop sign?

Even if another person is about to say, “You look very nice today,” the minute we hear “you,” we don’t fully relax until we know what’s going to follow that dreaded word. So, even if the person is smiling, they are waiting for the bomb to explode and their mental stop sign is very much raised.

So next time you need to confront your professor—or any person—give “I” a try!

(And just so I am covering everything, saying, “I think that you suck” is not what I’m talking about).

Let’s give those above student-prof phrases a do-over:

Old: “You gave me a D on that assignment!”

New: “I am very concerned about the D that I received. I wasn’t expecting to do so poorly. Can you explain where I went wrong?” or “Can you explain your comments more thoroughly?”

Old: “You didn’t tell me I was missing essay #3.”

New: “I see that I am missing the grade for my last writing assignment. Would you please look and see if it was graded?” or “I’m certain that I uploaded my paper. I have a record of it. I’m worried that you didn’t receive it because I’m not seeing a grade. Can you please let me know?”

Old: “Your lectures are boring.”

New: “I’m struggling with the lecture format of this class. Can we take time to ask some more questions?”

I’m hardly saying that changing up your “you” language to “I” language is going to be simple or easy, but you will find that profs will a) more easily identify your problem and help you out; and b) have more respect for you taking responsibility for your actions and owning your thoughts.

Are you ready to give “I” a try?

As this blog post comes out, we are getting deeper into summer and your first days of college are still the furthest thing from your mind. So, I’ll save some student-prof talk for when we are closer to that time.

For now, I’m going to ask you to start thinking about your future career—and I’m going to give you a job to do this summer: (Yes, I know you are covered in sunblock, sitting under an umbrella the size of a satellite dish, and enjoying a magazine that you haven’t been able to read for the past year, but stay with me).

Do a little searching on Monster.com or other similar job sites. Look up some descriptions for a potential job you’d like to do once you are finished with your college education. (Yes, I know you haven’t even started college yet… I’m asking you to think ahead!).

When you look at those job descriptions, aside from the “hard” skills, I want you to look at the “soft” skills. Specifically, check out the “communication skills” that are required. What will those look like? Here are some listed from actual job ads:

• High level of interpersonal skills to work with upper management and exceptional ability to work in teams
• Continually mine existing accounts for opportunities to expand existing relationships (interpersonal)
• Strong communication skills both written and verbal with the ability to gain consensus for project deliverables (interpersonal, group)
• Demonstrates proficiency by exhibiting the following skills, competencies, and behaviors: Patient Care Experience, Team Commitment (interpersonal, group)

Surprised to see so many communication skills that you didn’t expect? The National Association of Colleges and Employers 2011 report ranks verbal communication as the #1 most desirable employability skill. This means that you should expect communication ability to be a likely part of every job you apply for. And, if the economy remains as questionable as it is of this writing, you are going to want those communication skills to catapult you over the competition that holds the same degree you do.

I know what you’re thinking as you sip your iced tea and reposition yourself on your beach chair, “Okay… so I need communication skills when I get out and work. What does that have to do with my first term in college?”

When you start taking your classes, look for assignments, projects, research papers, presentations, etc. that can build and prove your experience in those communication areas. Let’s look at some examples:

• Your Environmental Science class requires group projects. You have to keep an agenda, track your meeting minutes, and produce a high-quality final paper and presentation.
• Your Business Ethics class does some charitable or service learning, like the students in this article on the American Association of Community College website.
• Your Western Civilization class requires you to engage in regular dialogue on a discussion forum.
• Your Literature class requires you to pass documents back and forth via e-mail with your classmates for peer review.
• Your Public Speaking class requires a persuasive speech with PowerPoint.

BOOM! Check out all of your communication training!

You don’t need to be paid in order to have valuable experience that an employer will want. After all, you are doing work in college. You might as well “spin” that work on your resume or in a future interview to show what you know about communication. If you get strong grades on that work, you have even more to impress an employer. But if some of those projects don’t go as well, think of the lessons you learned anyway: The difficult moments may be shareable if you took away something that you’d do different, say, in a future team situation (like make sure that everyone has a primary and back up role to cover all tasks).

So, in two years or four years, or whenever your degree is done, watch out, fellow degree holders: YOU have communication capital to showcase! You will be the competition that others have to worry about!

A little break from the student/professor dynamic and into a little communication strategy! This is a favorite lesson/discussion from my Interpersonal class. Useful for in college and out!

I have a confession to make.

I’m a worrier.

At times, when I tell others about what is worrying me, depending on what I’m sharing, the well-intentioned response is:

-“You shouldn’t feel that way”

or

-“You shouldn’t be concerned about that.”

The tone around the phrase is not condescending, but rather a supportive “There, there now…”

Can you guess what happens when someone tells me how I should feel?

White smoke bursts from the ground, swirls around me, and when it clears, I magically feel better (think close-to-end scene from Beauty and the Beast when Beast floats up in the air and becomes the requisite Prince).

So, I’m totally kidding about the smoke…

…and about magically feeling better.

Truth is, hearing how I should feel, regardless of how kindly spoken, negates how I do feel.

In, essence, I’ve just been “should on.”

I don’t like it when other people “should on” me!

(Wonderful readers, can I digress for one moment and ask you to just say that real quick? “Don’t should on me!” It feels sooooo good! Like you’re saying a bad word, but you’re not really saying a bad word… Okay. I’m done now.)

In my Interpersonal Communication and Intro to Communication classes, my students and I discuss the “fallacy of should” every term. Aside from students loving the fun “sounds-like-a-bad-word-but-isn’t” statement, we discuss the underlying messages that a “receiver” could take away from a phrase that includes “should”… (and remember, this is after the “sender” probably shared a feeling or concern that they have, so the person is already vulnerable):

• My feelings don’t matter
• My feelings are not valid
• My feelings are ridiculous
• I am being judged
• My communication partner isn’t interested in delving deeper to find out my true feelings
• (Anyone have any others? Please comment!)

I confess that there are times I’m tempted to “should on” others, too.

Like a fine chocolate, “You should…” rolls around the tongue so smoothly! I am usually well-intentioned when I have these “near-shoulds” because I am truly incredulous that another person feels a particular way.

Case in point: Sometimes, students are worried about extra credit when they clearly don’t need it.

I have to catch myself from saying, “You shouldn’t worry about your grade. You’re doing fine!”

Another example: When students are scared to give a second speech, yet their first speech was absolutely amazing.

My temptation? To say, “You shouldn’t be concerned about that. Look at how well your last speech went.”

But I know that these statements are not productive and not confirming or supportive of what the student actually feels.

So what’s the communication lesson here?

When a person tells you something that is bothering/concerning/worrying them, deal with what the person’s feelings are, not what you believe they should be.

Ask open-ended questions:

• “Why do you feel that way?”
• “What’s making you/leading you to feel that way?”
• “How can I help you feel better?”
• “Is there a way that I can help?”

Allow me to apply a “do-over” to the statements above:

Student A: Wants extra credit, but they are doing fine.

Me: “What is it about your grade that is concerning you?” or “Is there an upcoming assignment that you’re worried about? Let’s talk about how to maximize your points there.”

Student B: Worried about second speech, aced the first speech.

Me: “Can you tell me why you’re concerned? Are you worried about finding credible sources? Was there something about your delivery you want to change?” or, simply, “You did beautifully on the last speech. I have no doubt that if you repeat the process, you’re going to do beautifully once again. I’m glad to listen if you have some specific concerns or if there are ways that I can help.”

Once your communication partner shares their real feelings, listen to them and respond to what they are saying. You can continue to ask questions, if you feel it is appropriate. Don’t sneak in a “should” later in the conversation, though. It will have the same negative effect and possibly shut the person down from saying more.

By now you may be thinking, “I don’t should on others, but, boy, do they ‘should on’ me! What do I do?”

Tell the person straight out, “I appreciate your confidence in me. This situation is really bothering me, though, and I be glad to hear some advice.” You can also ask the person if they will simply listen so you can vent.

Or, if the person sounds negative about your concern, you can say:

“I’m already judging myself all over the place about these feelings. I realize you are trying to help make me feel better. I’d be open to some actual suggestions or even to you just listening.”

Remember, you can’t get your needs met from a communication partner if you don’t assert those needs specifically and directly. People can’t read our minds! Of course, some people don’t have the capacity to refrain from judgment and will always “should” on you. You learn quickly that those are not your “go to” people when you have a problem.

One other quick note: Make sure the tone of what you do say matches your sincere, open-ended questions. If your inflection sounds negative, the person won’t hear what you’re actually saying–they’ll take away those negative feelings of “should” because that’s the message your tone is sending.

Give this communication strategy a try, whether you are a habitual “should-er” or are the recipient of same. I’d love it if you’d comment and report back on how it went! (No disclosure of the actual situation necessary!).

It’s just not nice to “should on” others or to have others “should on” us.

(I had to get it in one last time. Seriously… say it just for fun. There is quite a satisfaction there!).

What if I told you that one required core class can help your grades in nearly every single other class you have to take in college?

What if I told you that a high percentage of students delay this particular class until graduation nears?

“Wha… what?” you might be thinking. “Why would someone do that? A class that can help all the other classes? Heck, yeah… hitting that first! Why wait?”

That’s right… you shouldn’t wait. Even if the class does include public speaking!

(You knew there had to be a catch.)

In nearly every degree program and certificate programs, Public Speaking or Introduction to Communication, or some variation of those classes, is typically required. Because of the public speaking component—and the high percentage of students who desperately fear that component—many students save this class until The. Bitter. End. of their academic career.

Interestingly, nearly every other class in college requires one of these three types of assignments:

1. A presentation, either alone or in a group
2. Talking or working with someone else in class (interpersonal communication!)
3. A group project

(Psst: Those assignments or projects can be worth a large chunk of grade in those classes!)

Doesn’t it make sense to take Public Speaking/Introduction to Communication Studies/Basic Communication (or whatever this course is called at your college) EARLY?

Let me be specific here: I’m talking about taking this class your FIRST term in college. Or your NEXT term in college, if you are mid-way.

The bottom line is: Don’t wait one more minute to take the class that can boost your skills for your other classes. Even if that class does require some public speaking.

I don’t diminish the fear of public speaking one bit. However, remember this:

1. Every single person in your Communication class is going to have to give a speech. Does this mean that you’ll feel no fear about giving that speech? Hell, no. You might shake in your Sketchers, but other nervous buddies will support you.
2. Your prof in the public speaking course will likely have a whole lesson on helping you deal with your speech anxiety–it’s a natural topic in any communication course. If you do not take your Comm course early, however, and you are required to do a presentation in Environmental Science, that prof’s top priority probably won’t be to help you with your fear of public speaking. He/she expects that you worked on that in your comm class!
3. You don’t want to be super-stressed right before you graduate with a task that you dread. If you do take your comm class early and it goes horribly (that’s unlikely, but let’s just say, “What if?”)? At least you still have more time to retake the class. If you wait until the end of college, the hard fact is that this one dreaded course could also keep you from graduating. Let’s not even consider that!

Have I convinced you? I hope so!

Now what do you do?

First, find out the communication requirement for your college: Public Speaking 101? Introduction to Communication 101? If you are in a degree program that has a set schedule, ask your adviser if you can fulfill your Comm requirement now.

If you are in a degree program or college that doesn’t have a communication req, don’t think that this advice doesn’t apply to you! A communication course can likely meet a Humanities or elective requirement and will still give you all the important benefits I’ve noted.

Once you’ve found your basic comm class, public speaking class, etc., sign up for that course in Fall 2011!

Next, meet your communication professor and get the syllabus. E-mail or make an appointment to see that person. Say,

“I’m an incoming student who will be taking your Public Speaking 101 course. I’d like to learn about the course early. Can you send me a syllabus? One from the current term is fine.”

Know that the prof might change some things around, but the basic course requirements will likely remain the same. You can also ask/say:

“What book will I need for this course?” Reading about communication ahead of time certainly can’t hurt. The books on communication are–believe it or not–a bit interesting, even as a summer read, and you will be SO prepared!

You can even say:

“I’m a little nervous about public speaking (or taking this course). I almost saved this course until the end, but it was recommended that I should take it early. Do you have any advice for me?”

Again, any communication prof is going to be keen on the subject of communication apprehension, fear of public speaking, or speech anxiety. (See? We even have three names for it!).

Finally, after you take your Communication or Public Speaking course, you probably know what I’m going to say next: If you took Public Speaking first, try a Communication Theory, Interpersonal, Small Group, Mass Media, etc. course and use it as Humanities or elective credit. You can never have too much training in communication. Verbal communication is, after all, the #1 sought after employability skill, according to the National Association of Colleges and Employers (January, 2011).

Bravo to you for taking this step and grabbing those communication skills nice and early in your college career.

Now, go tell a coming-to-college friend to join you!

As a student, you are going to come across a fair number of opinions regarding online courses. You might even hear some data about how many students don’t succeed in online courses, how many students don’t transfer, etc. Unfortunately, this data, whether reliable or not, makes great press and triggers spirited discussions about how solid online courses are or aren’t. After working with thousands of students, many of whom could literally not experience college without the flexibility that hybrid/online classes offer, I prefer to focus on what you can do to be successful before going into your online course. So, read on!)

Believe it or not, if you are contemplating an online, hybrid, weekend college, or any other type of non-traditional course in the fall, you can take action to increase your chances for success right now. It would take me 20 posts to discuss all of my tips for being a strong online student. So, let’s just focus on five items you can work on today. And, as is typical with my advice, you’ll see a communication twist. Ready? Here goes:

1. Talk about your readiness for distance learning and realistically assess whether or not it is for you.

Talk to a prof who is well-known for online learning (doesn’t even have to be one whose class you will be in), a student who loved online learning and one who didn’t love it, an educational adviser, or even by taking a distance learning readiness quiz.

Sound like a lot of investment and time? Well, if you are planning to be a full or part-time career online student, finding out what online learning really looks like is worth that time.

Even more important: find out before you register for an online course, not after, and not in the first week of the course (if you can help it). If the technology or the characteristics of online learning sound like they are not for you, and the issues are not things you can readily overcome (like that you will never like reading large amounts of material online), then online learning may not be for you at this time. Have those conversations to find out the truth about this unique delivery mode. Doing so will increase your chances of success and give you time to get into a face-to-face class, weekend class, evening class, etc. that still works for your schedule.

2. Discuss the obligations of online learning with anyone who has the potential to support you (or hold you back).

Many, many of my students do their online work in the early morning, late evening, and some float in and out of the course site while they are at their jobs (not that I’m saying this is the ideal). In a traditional class, you have set times for your learning and you are conveniently away from work or home. Online learning will be very different. You will be in the thick of the exact distractions you are usually away from.

So, whoever it is that you are taking time away from–your parents, spouse, kids, boss, lizard, etc.–to “do school” needs to be on board and agreeable to your time needs. If they are not, then you may need to secure a different place to do your work (Starbucks? Library? Mountain top with wireless?) or actually be out of the house for the set times of a face-to-face class.

3. Talk to an adviser or a prof about classes that would be better suited for you to take online–and those from which you’d benefit from face-to-face attention.

In my college years, and even today, I could easily take an English class online, but algebra or science? No way. I need complete face-to-face contact to help me through my most challenging subjects. I know myself: My first fluster over equations or cells and I would just shut off my computer and get some ice cream (in another city so that way I would have a commute excuse for not going back to the computer!).

Be truthful with yourself about those subjects that would make sense for you to take online and which ones absolutely won’t work. The only exception to this is if a) you are willing to get additional help with that topic, either from the prof, a tutor, or another resource entirely; and b) if you have the time to dedicate to bringing yourself up to speed–even with that help.

4. Once you’ve decided that you might want to take an online class, get in touch with the prof, get a syllabus, and ask questions before the class starts.

I can’t tell you how many students start my online public speaking class or my intro class and then are flummoxed to find that they need equipment to record speeches, a five-person audience, a well-lit location for recording, a way to upload presentations, etc. Fortunately, I send my online students a welcome letter detailing these requirements a few weeks before the term starts. Some students drop immediately because they don’t want the hassle of recording themselves. I totally respect this decision and applaud it! These students are giving themselves a greater chance at success.

Not every prof sends a welcome letter or gives students a heads-up about requirements, however, so you may have to search out details about the class structure yourself. Get in touch with the prof, say to that person:

-”I am going to be a student in your online class this fall. Do you have a syllabus from last term and a sample schedule that I could take a look at?”

or

-”I’m thinking about taking your online class and want to see if this is the right format for me. Do you have a… (repeat the above).”

If the prof is not there because it’s summer, then contact that person’s department secretary, who often works year-round and hopefully isn’t in Bermuda at the time you’re calling. You can also go to a coordinator, department chair, or division chair. If all else fails, you can contact your educational planning office. Someone should be able to get you access to a syllabus.

When you get the syllabus and schedule, read these documents closely!

Most students want to know, “How much time will I be expected to spend online?”

There may be an explicit statement about this in the syllabus, but you may be able to gauge it in other ways: Look at the amount of discussion board points or a list of discussion board requirements. Lots of discussion board equals lots of online interaction. You’re going to need to read posts, post your own posts, and respond to each other’s posts–maybe a whole bunch. You can also look for group work or online reading assignments. This equals more time online. (And I’m not even mentioning e-mailing with your prof or other classmates, doing online activities, etc. This should be laid out in the syllabus).

Another point to examine: The number of days/weeks that you have in between assignments for help/feedback, and even the prof’s e-mail response time. You will be able to get a feel for how the course operates.

If you are still unsure about anything, e-mail the prof and ask some specific questions, not just a general “How does this class work?”. You can also–gasp!–pick up the phone and call the prof or go make an in-person appointment.

Two important notes to this: Your prof is required to be on campus a week to several days before you are required to be there. That person will likely have pre-campus meetings and his/her “out of office” may still be on e-mail, but at the least, when he/she is checking and responding to e-mail again, yours will be waiting.

Second note: You typically will have access to your course management system earlier than your first actual class start date. Log in and check out the site. This will also give you important information about the course structure.

If you start to feel seriously nervous, ill, sweaty, nauseous, etc., your mind and body may be telling you something. If you truly do not believe you can handle the workload, the schedule, the requirements, or that you have the dedication for this type of learning system, then listen to that gut feeling and read tip #5 below.

5. If you find yourself under water before or during the first week or your circumstances have changed, tell your prof and find another class option.

My message here is do not just fade away from your online course without letting someone know that you have a) changed your mind about this mode of delivery; or b) a life circumstance will prevent you from being in school at all.

When students have negative perceptions about education because they feel insecure about an online course, it is easy for them to become lost from the system. Do not let this happen to yourself!

If the class is not right for you, go to the prof immediately and say, “I have realized that the online version of this course is not right for me. Can you help me find a face-to-face course that would work for my schedule?” You may also be able to find a hybrid course that meets partly online and partly face-to-face, an evening class, or a weekend class.

Yes, the rest of the classes may be closed. However, there might be some wiggle room since you are an existing student.

If the prof can’t help you, get an adviser to assist from your Ed Planning office (or equivalent) to figure out what you can still do in that term.

The bottom line is, do something–don’t just fall out of college entirely just because an online class didn’t work out. Take even one class so you maintain your momentum.

Bottom line? Know what you’re getting yourself into. Do as much pre-work to find out as you can. And by all means, ask tons of questions.

You can even ask me questions about online learning. Write a comment or send an e-mail to chattyprof@gmail.com.

If I don’t know, I have a bunch of colleagues out there who might. And our goal is to keep you out of the negative online student statistics and rather a gigantic, monumental college success.

(Okay, that was totally cheesy, but I’m sticking to it! Seriously, send on some comments or questions. Colleagues, if you have other pre-term tips for students in online classes, I’ll update this post!).

I was one and maybe you are, too: A student who is 30, 40, 50, and even 60 and beyond!

Like many non-trad students, I did not intend to be “older” in college. But my parents, who were not college educated, did not make provisions for my education. After losing a parent early, my life took a different vocational path for many years until I decided that I wanted to teach.

Because I relate so intimately to non-traditional students, I thought about what communication lessons relate specifically to our incredible, dedicated population. Here’s where I landed:

1. Never, ever, ever, ever be afraid to talk to the prof about struggles you are having!

Yes, I was reticent at times to speak in class around my younger counterparts, but outside of class? I was very outspoken, going to my profs whenever I was confused or when I felt frustrated about an exam or class policy (Truth be told, I was probably a bit of a pain in the ass, but willing to own that title). As a prof, I know that a bunch of non-trads feel embarrassed about their confusion. Or, they say, “I’m sorry. I’ve been out of school for a really long time.”

Know that you never have to apologize for your gap in education. In your years away from school, you had important professional experience that is its own type of college! You deserve to emerge confidently from confusion and get the same help as a student who just got out of high school (and is likely just as perplexed as you are!).

So, when you go to your prof, hold your head up and say, “I’m so excited to be back at school after all these years and you know what? I want to make sure I have a solid handle on what I’m doing. I need your help!“

Also, always ask “Will you review work early for me? What deadline should I set for myself in order to make that happen?” and “Will you take another look if I’m still unsure?“

2. Share your wisdom and experience in class!

Some non-trad students worry about talking too much in class, so they say little. Other non-trad students ask if it’s okay to talk in class (It’s true!). As a prof, I’m alone on a ledge sometimes, particularly when I ask a question and… silence… dead silence. Your words are appreciated by faculty and, whether traditional students realize it or not, they have a lot to learn from your articulateness, your background, and your ideas. Speak up and give lots of life/work examples. You never know when your words may serve as a change agent for another student in class. A former non-trad student who was already an EMT (pursuing a nursing degree) gave career advice to a 20-something student who wanted to know the in’s and out’s of being an EMT. I have seen numerous trad-non-trad relationships start in class… and linger as a mentorship or friendship far beyond the term.

3. If you are a talker, engage the class community.

I have had chatty non-trad students come to me privately and say, “I don’t want to take over the class, so if I’m talking too much, please let me know.” Just for the record, I’ve never told a non-trad student that they’re talking too much–what they’re saying is typically too rich and priceless to mute! In fact, when a non-trad student shares their thoughts and asks an open-ended question like, “What do the rest of you think?”, traditional students sometimes feel less intimidated responding to a fellow student.

4. It’s okay to challenge what you don’t feel is right.

Some non-traditional students are so respectful of a prof’s position/title that they don’t think they should challenge anything. I think many of my colleagues would agree that we’re in the wrong profession if we can’t handle a little constructive criticism over content or policies. So, if you are uncomfortable about a grade you received, are concerned about other students in class (yes, I have had non-trad students bothered by other students texting, trolling FB, etc. during class), or vastly disagree with the material, use your “I” language and discuss it with your prof. No need to apologize or qualify your thoughts.

5. Carry your own load; let other students carry theirs.

I have seen far too many non-trad students pick up slack on a group project or assist a struggling student with emotional or academic needs… sometimes far beyond what’s reasonable. Even when non-trad students are staunch non-enablers of their own kids, they find a soft spot for another young classmate and jump right in to help.

Remember, your work ethic and maturity has developed; the work ethic and maturity of certain traditional students is developing. If you find yourself shouldering others’ academic or personal problems, the greatest gift you can give them, in addition to your kind ear, is a pathway to the resources that can help them i.e., the professor, counseling services, educational advising, etc.

If the situation feels unbalanced, go tell the prof, “I have concerns about the workflow in my group and I need to resist taking on the project myself.” It’s her job to manage these types of issues.

So, my non-traditional comrades, I salute every single one of you. You are a model to your friends, families, and traditional students in ways that you probably don’t realize.

You’ve honed your experienced, powerful voice. Now use it to propel your education.

Let’s talk about two different students: Student A and Student B. (I know, you are blown away by my creativity in characterization!) Student A came to my office all the time, frequently stayed after class to chat, shared career goals, family background, etc. We had a very good relationship; our conversations were always engaging and enjoyable.

Student A started strong: Early submissions for me to review. Excellent grades. Later in the term? Student A’s proactiveness fell off. Life apparently got in the way. Unfortunately, when Student A started to falter, it was with an assignment that had a lot of points attached – 200 points, to be exact, which could definitely impact an A-grade goal.

Student A wanted an A. Student A ended up with a C. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that; however, Student A strove for more). Before I get on to Student B, let me be clear that Student A did continue to communicate with me. Not at the same level as when the A-work was happening, but Student A was honest that other personal situations were impacting work quality.

Okay, now for Student B:

I’ll cut to the chase and say that we had a similar excellent relationship. Student B submitted work early and achieved strong grades on speeches, outlines, and written work. Student B kept momentum through the term. Not surprisingly, at the end, Student B’s average was a 94.5%. Rounded up, 95% = 4.0 (I always round up).

There was NEVER one moment in my mind where I thought, “I know these students really well. I see them all the time. They come to my office, they talk with me after class, they work really hard… therefore, I’m going to help Student A out with a higher grade because of a good attempt, or round up Student B’s grade because of my familiarity with him/her.”

But there seems to be a perception, and there is some college advice out there indicating that profs may give you a higher grade if they are more familiar with you, or, if they like you! There are many reasons why you probably do not want to count on this happening for you.

Now, I know some of you are probably thinking, “Ooh… I really liked Chatty Prof, but now I’m thinking she’s sort of a hard-ass…”  I’ll explain myself:

1. Let’s say I’m called into a grade dispute (and I’m proud to say that I can count those on one hand in 13 years – I’m a super-transparent grader who offers tons of samples, rubrics, early review. And I’m also a hard-ass. Kidding!). My division chair or dean is going to expect me to show hard numbers. I can’t just say that the GPA spirit (you mean there isn’t one?) moved me to give the student a different grade than he/she deserved because I knew the student really, really well.

2. Okay, so what if I do grade a student that I know and like a teensy bit higher than another? Students compare grades all the time. “Like” is awesome on Facebook, but shouldn’t be my criteria for grading. Let’s not even mention my credibility as a fair prof if I grade based on how well I know a student. Gone. And, what if the student with a lesser grade also worked hard, but had a job that prevented him/her from becoming more familiar with me during office hours or staying after class? Again, not fair.

3. At the core of my educator’s soul, I wholly believe that grades are earned, not given. One of my degrees is in education. I believe in objectives. . . I believe in outcomes. . . I believe the children are our future–oh wait, that’s Whitney Houston . . .

Seriously, I believe that grades should reflect a student’s individual level of mastery of the material learned, based on the assignment’s requirements. At times, I will take into account a student’s individual level of improvement, such as quality of speech delivery from one speech to the next.

So what’s the communication lesson here? (Because there always is one!) First and foremost, my message from me to you–with love:

If you believe that some students get better grades because they chat up the professor a lot, and the professor seems to know them well, you probably aren’t getting the whole story.

The reason those students are likely getting better grades is because in the midst of the chatting, the student and the prof are talking about the assignments more, the student is asking for help more, and the prof is reviewing the work… more.

Think about it: If you’re hanging around talking to a prof about something you’ve seen on television, or about your mother, or about your job, a strong possibility exists that one of you is going to bring up an upcoming assignment. You might say, “Yeah, you know I’m a little worried about that speech.” Or, your professor might move the conversation out of the personal and into work: “So, how’s it going with your outline?” Then, the comfortable relationship between student and professor creates a feedback loop.

Let’s look at a conversation I might have with a student after the “chatty” is out of the way:

Student: “Yeah, you know, I’m really struggling with that outline. I have no idea where you find credible sources.”

Me: “Well, where have you looked?” or “Have you talked to one of the librarians? You know they have Ask-A-Librarian 24-7, right?”

Me again: “You know, you can send me your outline so I can review it ahead of time. I’m glad to give you feedback.”

Then, the student would hopefully take me up on that offer and submit work early, I would make comments/suggestions for improvement, the student would make the changes and possibly even ask if the changes are correct. Voila! In so many cases, a better grade ensues! It didn’t happen because the professor simply knew the student. It happened because of the conversation and subsequent feedback on the work.

I would not count on sheer familiarity with your prof translating into getting a little help for your grade. It’s a gamble that you don’t want to risk! Want a better bet for your grade? Say these things:

“Professor Jones, I’d like to meet with you to discuss how I can reach my grade goals in this class.”

“Are you willing to accept early work? How early?”

“Once I submit work to you for review, are you willing to review again? How much time would you like to do that?”

If the prof refuses to review work ahead of time (I hear that some simply won’t review), then do the work early anyway and ask him/her a couple of strategic questions:

“Can you look over these two equations and make sure I’m doing them correctly?”

“Can I run my thesis statement by you to see if I’m on the right track?”

Then, if you get a lower grade than expected, your comfort level with the prof could give you the courage to say:

“Can you give me more information about what I could have done better?” or

“What part of the requirements did I miss?” or even

“Can I redo this and turn it back in?” (May not be realistic, but at least if you got a better grade, it would be based on action, not just the prof liking you).

Do you see where I’m going here? All of this conversation revolves around work, your involvement with the work, and your ownership and responsibility for the work. Certainly, if your prof were to ever write you a letter of recommendation, he/she will discuss characteristics about you. However, hard examples or stories about you will revolve around tangible action. In other words, your work.

I’m going to close this post by quoting my tweep, Allen Grove, English Prof, Alfred University (@Gotocollege on Twitter). He made this great statement in a recent CollegeBoundNet tweetchat:

“Knowing your work ethic is more important than knowing your face.”

Hello, Campus Talk Blog community! I am a seasoned professor of over 13 years and an award-winning educator and public speaker. And here I am starting my first blog post by piggybacking on another blog post. That’s right: One that’s been written by somebody else!

Let me explain: When I received the opportunity to join Campus Talk Blog, I, of course, looked at the articles already written. When I came across Reconnect After Your Exam to Make Up for Lost Ground from Tawan Perry, I was absolutely thrilled: Here was someone from the higher ed community helping students self-advocate with professors! Even more importantly, Mr. perry encouraged students to self-advocate about tests which, as we all know, seems to be a necessary evil—er, constant staple—of college life.

Given that my mission is similar to Mr. Perry’s—to help students self-advocate—my twist is slightly different. You see, I’m known as The Chatty Professor. Why? Because my mission is giving students the words to self-advocate. So often, students are given great advice, but they still do not know how to start the conversation.

This is where I come in: I’m going to help give you the words that will help you confidently, rather than cluelessly, manage issues with your professors!

Are you ready? Let’s talk about Mr. Perry’s ideas, which were spot-on:

To bring you back to the days of yester-post, you took a test, you did not do well, and typically, you’d go home and dive into a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, complain to your good friend about the crappy questions (or, let’s be real here, the crappy professor who wrote the questions), or go run a few laps around the track to blow off steam.

What most students don’t do is circle back with the professor, as Mr. Perry suggests. Why not? Because students perceive a test as an end-point… a period at the end of the sentence, if you will.

Then, you read Mr. Perry’s suggestion that you can go back to your professor and discuss that test. He said:

“Simply meet with your professor and in a calm, humbling matter request a retake of the exam.”

How do you start that conversation?

By making an appointment with your professor, and respectfully and calmly saying, “Professor Jones, I am very concerned about the grade I received on the last exam.”

Then, clearly and specifically state your reason for your concern: “I felt that many of the questions covered were not covered in class. When I rechecked my notes and the book, I didn’t find the material.”

Finally, make your intention statement of what you would like to happen: “I am wondering if there are any retakes allowed for this test? – or “Can you show me where the material is that I should have studied since I am having trouble finding it?” – or “Is there another way I can make up some of the points I missed on this test? I am concerned they will bring down my entire grade.”

Like Mr. Perry said, you must provide a compelling reason for requesting a retake or any type of special accommodation, such as: “I was extremely ill the day I took the test. I should have told you about this on the day of the test, but I was not thinking clearly.”

You must have a very credible reason for this request, and, your other grades must be rock solid in order for your professor to take you seriously.

Finally, realize that you are asking your professor to make a pretty mammoth decision here: You are advocating for little old you. Your professor has to think about the ramifications of giving the option he may give you to the rest of the class… or not.

Another tip: While you may have a mixture of emotions, ranging from rage to fear to anger to frustration, keep your tone and your words in check. If you fly out of control, make threats or yell, you could likely have bigger problems than your poor test grade. Enter campus security!

Stay collected and consistent, keep reiterating your concern, and back yourself up with hard facts, and you will have a case.

If you cannot get anywhere with your professor and are absolutely convinced in your position—and have documented facts to back you up—then your next chain of command is that person’s department or division chair. Sometimes, a third party can be helpful in listening to your position as well as the professors, and finding a solution that will serve both of you.

Bravo to you for taking the step to confront a professor. Doing so professionally and assertively will be incredible practice for you when you have similar situations in the future. If your request works out, you will have an opportunity to improve your grade and revisit your learning. If your request doesn’t work out, you’ve gained a pretty big life lesson. And those life lessons will benefit you far beyond any test.

(Okay, you can put back the Ben and Jerry’s now. You’ve got this student-professor communication plan covered!)

How many of you out there take classes that require discussion forum posts and responses? Maybe you feel like this student: You think you’ve done well and then find out that your writing wasn’t strong enough.

Dear Chatty Professor,

I “beef up” my discussion forum responses as the professor asks, but still not receiving full points. Do you have any additional tips?

I definitely have tips!

1. First, ask the prof, “Professor, do you have a sample of what you consider to be an ideal post? It would be helpful for me to see what the students who are getting higher grades are doing.”

2. Along those same lines, a discussion forum rubric is another way to gauge what your prof is looking for. If your prof doesn’t have one, maybe you can say, “Would you be willing to let the students create a rubric and add this as an extra assignment?” (even extra credit?). I think having students create the criteria for what is considered a strong discussion forum post (with the prof’s guidance) could benefit everyone.

3. If you need to add more quantity, here are some pointers:

♦ First, if this is a response, make sure you directly comment on the original poster’s material. I tell my students “advance the conversation.” So, in essence, you take a look at the post of the person you’re responding to then you pull out something from their post that you can paraphrase and carry further. So, let’s say I’m writing that I disagree with AMC’s “Breaking Bad” leaving the air (I’m going to take a really light topic here, although an important one to me!). I discuss that it’s a wonderful show. It has won many awards. I also feel that the writers could take the storyline further and the show is being canceled prematurely.

Now, you respond: “Ellen, I really appreciated your comment about Breaking Bad being canceled (acknowledging the point of my comment). I see that you’re saying it should stay on the air because the writers can take the storyline further (paraphrasing my comment). You know, I have a different view on this: It seems that Hank is very close to finding out that Walt is really Heisenberg and, really, how much longer can this cat-and-mouse game continue? I also believe that the only way the writers could dramatize this show further is to bring back Walt’s lung cancer, and that would just appear to be a ploy to keep the show going.” In that response, you have taken my words and advanced them with your own ideas. Certainly, you’d keep writing to meet the line requirement outlined by your prof.

♦ Now, how to expand: Make sure you are telling and showing. I teach my students this all the time with respect to speech writing. It’s one thing to mention a fact or an idea (the “tell”), but you can “beef up” your content by giving examples and background about that fact, as well as your ideas and opinion. This is considered “showing” what you are “telling.”

Here is an example: Often, when my students do their career speeches, they might say, “According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, an accountant’s starting salary can range from the low $40,000s to the mid $60,000s.”

This singular statement “tells” the audience a fact. Here’s what happens when we add some “show” to it:

“According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, an accountant’s starting salary can range from the low $40,000s to the mid $60,000s. My uncle, Joe Jones, who has been an accountant for the past five years, states that his salary started in the mid-$50,000s because he went to work for a very small company. He also knew that in his town, accountants just starting out didn’t earn quite as much. Later, Joe moved to a different state, joined a much larger organization, and his salary increased by about 40%.”

♦ Another way to expand: Go to your textbook for the topic, itself, and see what the authors are saying. Of course, you can’t lift material from the book–that would be plagiarism. However, you can cite the text (my students would get major points for that!) and then build on what the author is saying, whether you agree or disagree.

♦ Yet another way to expand: Go to the internet, then to your school’s library page, and do some additional research about the topic. Make sure you use credible sources. Then, once you find an article or two that would work, say, “I did some research and found this great article from…” At the end of your post, you can add the link.

♦ Just generally speaking, when your post seems too lean, keep asking yourself questions to expand: “Why?” and “How?” are a good start to help you continue to “show” what you know. Here are some other question prompts to help you as you read through your initial writing and strive to add more:

♦ What is the difference between?

♦ What is interesting or surprising to me?

♦ How can I tell?

♦ What is the reason ________ is this way?

Know that your prof wants to hear your voice! Therefore, he/she is giving you the space to share your knowledge and ideas in your posts. So, go for it!

Does your prof give points for participation? If so, do you know how that grade is calculated?

I know when I’d see “participation” mentioned in my college syllabi. . . with no clear explanation of how those points happened, I always wondered if the prof made little checks next to my name every time I opened my mouth in class. Or, did my mere presence in class presume my participation? Or, was there an entirely different, more objective formula for calculating those points that I didn’t know about?

(Did my professor scream, “Muhahahahahaha” when figuring up those points? I wonder…)

From your prof’s perspective, participation points can be derived a number of different ways:

• How often you open your mouth in class and constructively contribute to class discussion
• How much you attend class
• How actively you participate in group and partner activities
• How many times you ask questions and propose answers (not to mention the quality of those questions and answers)
• How substantively you write and respond to others on an external discussion forum, Wiki, blog, etc.

These are just some examples; there are countless others. Bottom line: If your syllabus talks about a participation grade, those points should not be a mystery.

So what’s the communication lesson here? Ask questions about how your participation relates to your overall grade! How do you do that? Here are tips:

1) Go back and look at your syllabus. If participation points exist, are they clearly explained? Hopefully the prof discussed what he/she expects on the first day, but if you are unsure and the syllabus doesn’t define the requirement, say, “I noticed on the syllabus that 20% of my grade is based on participation. I want to make sure I understand what to do to earn those points.”

2) If there are not distinct participation points mentioned in the syllabus, but other statements allude to interaction in class (think attendance, contributions to discussion, participating in activities, etc.), then your prof may not actually give you points for participation, but could take it into consideration later if you are close to getting a higher grade. You certainly can ask your prof, “I don’t see participation counted in our overall grade, but does it make any difference when you are determining my final grade?”

If your prof has an attendance policy and you can lose points for not being there, showing up is a measure of participation. However, being there in body isn’t all that your prof expects from you, so find out what you need to do.

3) If your syllabus does state that you need to show up to class, speak up in class, and play the prof’s reindeer games in class in order to earn your participation grade, find out how those points are tracked. Does your prof give you a check mark every time you utter a word? Is your attendance a declaration that you are participating? First, ask: “Can you tell me how I’m doing on my participation points so far? My goal is to earn full points in this area.” Or “Am I meeting your expectations for participation?”

Then, you can add, “Is there a way I can keep tabs on my participation to make sure I’m meeting all the requirements?” If your prof is using BlackBoard, Angel, or another course management system, maybe you can view these points in the gradebook yourself.

If the prof tells you that you need to speak up more or contribute in class differently, say: “Can you give me an example of what you expect?” If you feel you are doing more than you are getting credit for, then ask, “How are the points tracked? I’m concerned that some of my participation is being missed.”

4) If your participation involves online work, such as discussion board posts/responses, and you are not receiving full points, there’s specific advice on how to expand your writing.

5) If you are unable to participate in class in the way that is expected of you (channeling this post with Melvin whose cultural norms did not support him speaking openly in class), then you need to tell your prof specifically, “I am struggling with speaking out in class and I know it is expected. I am worried about earning my full participation points. Do you have advice for something else that I can do?”

You can ask: ”Can I submit questions to you ahead of time?,” ”Can my participation in paired or group situations count more fully?,” or ”Can I do additional work in another area?”

Your prof may or may not agree, but talk about it so you aren’t blindsided by fewer points. You may also want to consider speaking out in class even once or twice just to see how it feels to share your thoughts openly. Maybe you’ll find a new found confidence in sharing your voice!