Recently, I visited the University of Nebraska – Omaha and presented Healthy Relationships 101. I shared with students that one of the most important relationships they will have in life is the one with themselves. I also shared that healthy relationships begin with self care. Self care leads to self connection and when one connects with his or her true self, s/he is better able to connect with others authentically – resulting in healthier relationships.

During our time together, I asked several thought provoking questions. My reason for doing this was to assist students in their process of defining success from the perspective of “who they are” rather than what they can “get” in the world. Often times, we have a very clear picture of the “external” things that help us look successful but less often do we have certainty about how success feels from a deeper level within each of us. So, one of the questions I asked was “what do you want for your life?” Most of the answers went something like this, “I want success and happiness!” I then asked “what does success look like for you?” And one student exclaimed “the American dream!”

So, my next questions are for you. And the questions are “if you have a life that looks nothing like the typical American dream (i.e. a spouse or partner, good paying job, house with a two or three car garage, 2-3 children, pets, etc.), would you feel successful? Why or why not? Is it possible to be successful and not have the American dream?” I’d love to hear your responses to this post and I look forward to reading about your definitions of success.

Until the next time… Take Care of Yourself,
Felicia

In Latin the term “cor” means heart. In French the term “cour” means to be in the process. And in English the word courage means “the state or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger or hardship resolutely.” Therefore, when one is said to have courage, she/he is in the process of connecting with her heart (or core self) as challenges arise so that she is able to understand them and take correct action.

When we think about someone with courage, oftentimes we think about a person who is bold, assertive, brave, gutsy, spunky, confident and strong. And many times, it centers on a specific task that they handled “well.” Think about three people you interact with on campus that you would describe as courageous based on this description.

Courage is powerful in and of itself because it starts in the heart.

A few questions I would like you to consider are: Can a person who is soft, caring, connected, compassionate,and cool possess courage? Why or why not? If so, is there a difference between their way and the way the bold and assertive person possesses courage? I’d love to receive your feedback! You can post your responses below in the comments section.

Here are a couple of ways to build sustainable courage

1. Focus on your heart – Do you ever take time to locate your heartbeat and actually feel it? If not, your first assignment is to find your heartbeat in your chest and give it some undivided attention. This one act creates a bridge between your conscious mind and your unconscious mind. The fact is, we don’t have to pay attention to the parts of ourselves that work automatically because they are automatic! As you take the time to focus on your heart, you strengthen it and anything that builds in strength will increase your sense of self confidence and ultimately courage. How this translates is that you have the ability to do better on exams, have a greater capacity to handle more, and you still feel good about yourself.
2. Be you! – It is my belief that each of us is a unique expression of goodness. (It is some of the choices we make that can make us feel “bad.”) We are naturally designed to be in relationships so that we can learn about ourselves, learn from each other and continue to grow. When you are being you, the doors open for others to receive the gift that you bring to life – your uniqueness. And when you aren’t being true to who you are, you end up in a vicious cycle of being someone you think others want you to be. As a result, things never feel quite right because you are not living the true you. So, the bottom line is… be yourself, not what others want you to be.

Remember to take care of yourself in a way that builds courage and supports you to live a Growth in Motion™ lifestyle! You will begin to see improvements in your ability to handle any challenge that comes your way!

Take Care of Yourself,
♥Felicia
“Living a Growth in Motion™!! Lifestyle”

Psychologist Abraham Maslow was a phenomenal researcher of life who shared with the world (along with his colleagues Goldstein and Rogers) the term ‘self-actualization.’ He defined self-actualization to be the drive for self-fulfilment, namely the tendency for the individual to become their fully realized self at their highest potential. With this background knowledge and my own experiences, I define self discovery as the process of embracing one’s highest self. It is aligned with my definition of Growth in Motion!! which means your fully realized self. Thus, self discovery is an ongoing combination of actions we take as we change and grow throughout life. And, when we add conscious intention to the process of self discovery, we open our minds and hearts to uncover things that can hide in our unconscious mind for years. Some of those ‘hidden’ memories can include past issues such as abandonment, abuse, and more. Yes indeed, to practice self discovery is to be very courageous!

Are you on the path of self discovery?

Our ‘highest self’ is that part of us that reflects positive feeling qualities like compassion, trust, peace, optimism, harmony, beauty, and love to name a few. When we make a sincere effort to live with these qualities at the center of our lives, we experience greater satisfaction with ourselves and within our relationships.

Therefore, self discovery encompasses an ongoing combination of decisions we make and actions we take towards positive change and personal growth. And, in order to take appropriate actions, we must know the correct questions to ask ourselves.

Questions for Reflection

There are a few key questions that begin to lead an individual down the path of self discovery. These questions are:

1. Who are you?
2. Why do you do the things you do?
3. What is your purpose on this earth?

When examined thoroughly, it will take quite awhile to answer each of these questions with a knowingness that extends beyond logical reasoning. In fact, it can and often does take several years to begin to put the pieces of your life’s story together – kind of like a puzzle. With that said, take your time examining them. Life is not a destination; it is a journey of exploration!

Now, let’s get started answering the first question. If I asked your best friend to describe who you are in 4 words or less, what words would they use to describe you? If you compared your list to theirs, would each list match up?

Let’s get the dialog started. I want you to submit a comment below and answer the question: who are you?

Take Care of Yourself,
♥ Felicia
“Living a Growth in Motion™ lifestyle!”

To be authentic is to be real, transparent, truthful, or honest. Within the word relationships are the words “relate” and “ship.” Some synonyms for “relate” include communication, link up, share, connect, and cooperate. When I think of the word “ship,” I think of a boat, cruise ship, vessel, or something that carries or transports people or goods. As I reflect upon all of these separate ideas of the words authentic relationships, I am humbled because the underlying meaning of these words is all about transparency, care, connection, cooperation, commitment, communication and character.

I had to stop and ask myself, “Are my closest relationships authentic relationships?” My honest answer was “no, not all of them.” Then, I began to think about my past and current relationships and mentally list examples of experiences within those relationships that appeared authentic to me. Even though I had many examples to list out, I clearly had more growth opportunities in this area of authentic relationships.

So, moving forward, I have decided to make a conscious effort to establish and sustain authentic relationships because I want all of the things listed above in my closest relationships – transparency, care, connection, cooperation, commitment, communication, and character. In short, I want true partnerships. How about you? Life in college is the perfect time to get serious about the types of relationships you are entering into. Often times, you will carry these relationships well into your future.

Take care of yourself in a way that helps you identify, establish, and maintain an authentic relationship with yourself and others. A few ways to do this are to answer the following questions:

1. Is the idea of an authentic relationship important to me? Why or why not?
2. What are the indicators of authentic and correct relationships for me?
3. What does not work well for me in my relationships?
4. How is my mental, physical, and emotional well-being affected in my closest relationships?

The questions above are a few examples of my unique way of focusing on and sustaining authentic relationships while experiencing Growth in Motion!!

Growth in Motion™!! = Self care + Self Empowerment + Self knowledge + Self Direction

As I continue to embrace all of me – the good, bad, and unconscious aspects of myself, I continue to change, reshape, and/or redefine my life and relationships in a way that feels correct for me. I suggest that you keep the above questions close by, use them consistently, and watch how magnificent your relationships become!

Take Care of Yourself,
♥ Felicia
“Living a Growth in Motion™ lifestyle!”

Do you often think about what you want to become or be after college and then feel a fair amount of pressure because you haven’t figured it out yet? Well, to truly grow into what you really enjoy and what makes you happy for no reason at all, you must make small everyday choices that lead to long term satisfaction, peace, and overall success.

If you practice making authentic choices consistently, your choice of job or career will be an extension of who you are. Make sure that what you think you want, say you want, and what you actually do match up. Print out and post this “choice list” in a place that you visit often to help you get started with tiny steps that lead to mega results in the long run – in all areas of your life!

1. I choose to stretch and move, not sit
2. I choose to eat fruits, vegetables, nuts, and grains that increase my energy
3. I choose to breathe, deeply and fully
4. I choose to connect with my Creator daily
5. I choose to be compassionate and caring
6. I choose to be honest with myself and others
7. I choose to use my voice, speak up, and share my truth with an intention of love
8. I choose to learn more about myself through personal problems or upsets
9. I choose to keep it real with my thoughts, words, and actions
10. I choose to listen to my body and my heart
11. I choose to never ever give up on myself

Remember: Growth in Motion!! = Self Care + Self Empowerment + Self Knowledge + Self Direction

Take Care of Yourself,
♥Felicia
“Living a Growth in Motion™!! Lifestyle”

College life is filled with one activity after the next one that can stretch you out to the max. By using a few personal techniques and starting now, you can develop a lifelong habit of self-care that will make sure you aren’t overly stressed, physically fatigued, mentally anguished or emotionally distraught. Begin now and you’ll be balanced and stress-free not only in school, but in your future professional, social and family life.

1. Spend quiet time alone with yourself – When you take time to experience quiet time alone, you begin to hear the all-important inner voice of your heart. This voice is very different from the voice of your mind. It is not logical and it can be quite spontaneous and very revealing about your true passions and desires. The truth is, your heart and not your head should be the ultimate guide for your life! In between classes, studying, club activities, dating and having a good time, don’t forget to give yourself the gift of quiet time with yourself – even if it begins with just 5 or 10 minutes each day.

2. Focus on your heart- Just like when you get a checkup, consciously take time to locate your heartbeat and actually feel it. Your class assignment is to find your heartbeat in your chest and give it some undivided attention. This brief and simple act creates a bridge between your conscious mind, your unconscious mind and other automatic functions like the beating of your heart. We don’t normally pay attention to these ‘automatic’ functions and doing so strengthens them. As you take the time to focus on your heart, subconsciously, you send appreciation to it. And in return, it brings more conscious moments of appreciation to you in the context of your daily living.

3. Do you! – It is my belief that each of us is a unique expression of love – and your college years are when the really unique you begins to take hold. Humans are designed to be in relationships so that we can learn about ourselves, learn from each other and continue to grow. When you are your true self, make your own decisions, stay true to your beliefs and ”do you,” you open the doors for others to receive the gift that you bring to life – your uniqueness. And when you don’t “do you,” you end up in a vicious cycle of being someone you think others want you to be. As a result, never feel quite right because you are not aligned with the true you. So, the bottom line is… be yourself, not what others want you to be.

Take care of yourself,
♥ Felicia

COLLEGE SPEAKER SPOTLIGHT

The Growth in Motion!!™ Process presents a positive personal experience (PPE) without unhealthy pressure. It is a unique, non-confrontational, spiritual and emotional learning process that teaches us to recognize the beliefs we hold and the behaviors we exhibit that are hindering our growth and blocking our happiness. Our process provides gentle methods for releasing the past and moving on to our greater good and a life of meaningful contribution.

The 4 steps to the Growth in Motion!!™ Process are:

1. Self-Care – Are You Practicing Holistic Self Care? – In this process of Self-Exploration, you’ll come to understand – clearly and with compassion – your own unconscious attitudes and behaviors about your unique self care process. You’ll realize the impact of limiting perspectives, learn the critical elements of a self caring lifestyle, and implement emotional, mental, and physical practices for your authentic well-being. You’ll be challenged to take responsibility for every thought, word and action toward yourself and others.

2. Self-Empowerment – Making Responsible Choices and Still Having Fun – As you learn to use your “internal power” consistently, you’ll achieve self-discipline, emotional self-management, self-correction, self-respect, self-development and self-love. You’ll begin to align your mind with your heart’s wish. You’ll learn radical self-responsibility.

3. Self-Knowledge – Being Yourself, not What Others Want You To Be – Self examination is a courageous commitment to developing the intellect through lifelong learning and mastering emotional intelligence (aka ‘The Wisdom of The Heart’) that will propel personal and professional success. Continuous expansion and a solid commitment to self examination aid healthy relationships and prosperous living.

4. Self Direction – Are You Allowing Your Heart or Your Mind To Guide You? – As you become aware of the distinctions between mental chatter and your heart’s desires, you support your life path through self guidance and make incredible contributions to family, community, and the world.

These elements build the foundation of a unique collection of educational offerings that speak to issues such as spirituality and health, stress management, success in college, healthy relationships, life management and more. Our self-examination programs take an introspective look at all of life’s opportunities to live a Growth in Motion!!™ lifestyle.

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Healthy relationships start with a focus on self-care and well-being. That is the philosophy I shared with Voorhees College students during a visit to their campus. When I asked the question, “What is most important to you in your relationships?” I received answers like trust, communication, love and respect. The idea of practicing self-care as a foundation for healthy relationships appeared to be a new paradigm for them. I can understand, though, because several years ago, it became a new paradigm for me as well. Through my own learning experiences, I have concluded that taking care of me is critical to the health of my relationships with others. And “taking care of me” includes my mental, emotional, physical and spiritual well-being.

When a person has a solid foundation of self-care and well-being, she brings that ritual into her relationships with others. And when she has not firmly established a self care “ritual,” she will experience tremendous potential for unhealthy relationships.

So, what exactly does it mean to practice self care?

Self care is the daily practice of choosing experiences that cultivate, restore, and strengthen one’s body, mind and heart. It is crucial that one does not limit her practice to just “grooming.” Some examples of grooming include getting haircuts, manicures and pedicures. This is a focus on physical appearance. Self care is the practice of focusing on physical (external) as well as mental, emotional and spiritual (internal) aspects of ourselves. Some examples of internal self care include deep breathing, journaling, practicing forgiveness and engaging in activities that are fun.

What’s the link between self care and healthy relationships?

The practice of self care helps one to understand her body, emotions, thoughts, needs and wants. Through self care, one establishes self-connection, greater self-awareness, self-trust, self-direction and self-love. And once this foundation is in place, it is a platform for assisting us in our day-to-day interactions within relationships. There’s no doubt about it, upsets and miscommunication will occur in relationships. However, with a healthy foundation of self care, we have the emotional resilience to work through them and create healthier outcomes for all involved. Healthy relationships start with a focus on self-care and well-being.

Begin practicing self care today and notice just how much your relationships with roommates, professors, your intimate partner, friends and family members grow in a healthier direction! Today, begin to live a Growth in Motion™ lifestyle!

Growth in Motion™!! = Self Care + Self Empowerment + Self Knowledge + Self Direction

Take Care of Yourself,
♥ Felicia
“Living a Growth in Motion™!! Lifestyle”

Do you feel good about yourself inside of your closest relationships? Do you feel like you are an asset in your relationships or a hindrance? Do you often say to yourself “he or she just doesn’t understand me!”

If you feel like I am speaking directly to you in the questions above, then you could benefit from the information that I am about to share. As a previous guest speaker at the University of Nebraska –Omaha campus my topic was Healthy Relationships 101. During my talk, I spent a lot of time speaking about the importance of self care because I know (based on experience) that relationships are not their healthiest unless we each take personal responsibility for ourselves first. Practicing self care helps us to establish and maintain a healthy self connection with our body, mind, and spirit. And when we better understand ourselves and know what we want, we can better understand others and bring our unique gifts to relationships.

After my speech, a student approached me and asked if I could provide a little bit of guidance about what her next steps might be around self discovery and finding balance and happiness within herself. If you are seeking healthier, more fulfilling relationships like she is then start by finding balance and happiness within yourself first. Focus on the following three things:

Determine what you like about yourself as well as what you don’t like about yourself

This will help you figure out what you are willing to keep and what you need to change or release. For example, let’s say you make a written list of the following qualities that you like about yourself –you like to read, you are an excellent writer, and you like to exercise. Then, you make a list of things that you don’t like about yourself including: you don’t put 100% effort into your study habits, you get into a lot of verbal arguments with your friends and have a hard time managing your emotions, and you are impatient. This one exercise will help you to focus on who you are which includes your strengths and your areas for improvement. During college, most of us don’t take the time to write about ourselves on paper because we spend a lot of our energy and writing efforts on specific school subjects. This one exercise will help you focus on yourself.

Pay attention to what others say about you

If you get stuck in the first exercise above (especially with things you like about yourself), make an effort to listen to what others are saying about you. The important thing to remember here is to listen to those you feel you can trust. As an example, when I was growing up, my friends would always say that they could talk to me about anything and not feel judged. This was a natural gift that I had and I never realized how valuable it was until later in life. I now use this gift in my career as a self directed life coach. On another note, my former co-workers would inform me that I needed to be more assertive in my work environment because it seemed like I was holding back. This feedback took me a very long time to figure out and after much introspection and reflection; I discovered that I was in the wrong environment. When I switched my career to an environment that was more appropriate for me, I became more assertive and I expressed my thoughts and feelings – naturally! Today, start making a list of things your closest friends, teachers, and family members have shared with you about you.

Remember, finding balance and happiness within yourself begins with a commitment to your own self care. Self care = self connection. And self care is an important part of my philosophy known as Growth in Motion!!

Growth in Motion!! = Self Care + Self Empowerment + Self Knowledge + Self Direction

Spend some valuable time with yourself, making your lists and finding your truth. You will feel better about yourself for doing so.

Take Care of Yourself,
♥ Felicia
“Living a Growth in Motion™!! Lifestyle”

You wake up late and it’s 10 minutes before class starts! … The final exam is next week and you still don’t understand some of the material! … Someone tells you that they saw your boyfriend cheating with one of your friends! … You are the resident assistant and someone has broken every rule on the floor and in the dorm and YOU are responsible because you are in charge!

Stress-buster, Energy-booster # 1 is BREATHE!!!

Yes, breathing is an automatic body function that we don’t even think about. But when most of us are stressed, we hold our breath without realizing it – and our very act of unconsciously holding our breath adds even more to our stress level.

Every day college life – cramming for exams, writing term papers in the double digit numbers, campus activities, social activities and maybe even a job – can quickly become a recipe for overload. Learning top be mindful of your breath – especially when you’re stressed – will strengthen your immune system, calm your nerves, help you think more clearly, and boost your energy. Your breath is not only air for your survival; it provides a calming energy for your entire body.

During both calm and stressful times, when you focus on your breath, you regain control over your life by not allowing “the stressful stuff” to ruin the rest of the day or week for you. You may not be able to change some of your outer experiences on campus, but you certainly have the choice to manage your “inner” ones.

During calm times when relaxing in your dorm, just before class to get your self centered or just before you start studying – practice mindful breathing. By practicing regularly, you’ll receive all the health and stress-relieving benefits. You’ll also be able to handle the stressful moments better.

During the stressful moments – after the bad news about the boyfriend, or just after you find out about the disruptive dorm resident – remember not to hold your breath and slide back into your practice to regain calmness and focus before you respond.

I’ve recorded the quick 2-minute audio below to help you get started with your mindful breathing, stress-relieving practice while you’re in college. It’ll serve you for a lifetime.

FREE AUDIO DOWNLOAD:

Introduction to Mindful Breathing by Felicia Harlow

Stop and do mindful breathing any time to relieve the stress and pressures of college.
You can listen to this FREE audio here (1:58)…

…or DOWNLOAD this audio for your media layer so you can listen any time and share with friends

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Make the decision to start boosting your energy today, the natural way!

Take Care of Yourself,
♥ Felicia
“Living a Growth in Motion™ Lifestyle”