When summer break began this year I didn’t know what to expect. In fact, I thought I wouldn’t be seeing much of my college student because she’d planned on traveling, moving into her apartment and doing a couple of other things that didn’t include me. (Yes, I was pouting.) Now that I’ve been able to spend a lot of time with her this summer I do not want her to go back to school for the fall.

What’s this first-time college mom to do as the time draws closer for her student to return to school?

• Redirect my attention: Each time she talks about needing to be at school; I conveniently can’t hear her.
• Ignore her: If she asks for something she needs in order to get ready for school I pretend like I can’t hear her.

See the trend here?

And my favorite:

• Cry: Every time she talks about her impending departure I distract her by wailing loudly… and because of the noise I can’t hear her.

In all seriousness there are some things you can do to make the transition from summer vacation easier on you and your college student regardless of whether it’s their first year or their fourth:

• Make time to hang out and talk. Now that Amber is a junior she doesn’t specifically tell me about her courses and schedules so I’ll ask her questions about the upcoming year. It helps her by showing I’m interested in her life and it helps me to feel connected. Do this before your student leaves for campus.
• Schedule get-togethers. Since my schedule is flexible, Amber and I don’t normally have to officially schedule events and activities too far in advance. We acknowledge that we want to get together and she normally lets me know which holidays she’s going to come home. If there is something she definitely wants me to put on my schedule and prepare to travel to her campus she lets me know in advance so I can make arrangements for her siblings or get other things in order. Try to schedule something specific at least twice per semester.
• Enjoy your adult. This is one I do most of all. I’m confident that I’ve raised a responsible young lady and I let her take the lead when it comes to her life. I’m not a helicopter parent and I haven’t dropped off the grid; I’ve established an adult parenting relationship that we both enjoy.

Admittedly, this summer Amber and I have been through quite a lot in our personal and home lives, and there have also been a lot of changes. These things have brought us closer and increased my dislike of her leaving again for the fall. I find comfort in the fact that I’ll “see” her on Facebook, “talk” to her on text and that she keeps up with home by following my blog, It’s a woman’s world!

How are you going to say goodbye to your student?

Check out my moving day tips in Keep it Movin’.

Petula Wright
First-time college mom
PetulaW.com

When I comment on my daughter’s Facebook page my friends are amazed. When we share our feelings or encouragement for each other on our walls, I see comments telling Amber, my daughter, to spy on their children or relaying how sweet we are. They say their children won’t accept their friendships on social networks.

I’m somewhat amazed by this, but over the years – after talking to my own teenager daughter about her friends’ relationships with their parents – I’ve realized that my relationship with her is somewhat of an anomaly. She tells the tales of arguments, sneaking out, disobeying, disrespect and much more than I’ve experienced thus far as a parent. Honestly, I’m now concerned because I can only hope I have the same “luck” with my other three children that I had with Amber.

Make no mistake, Amber was not a perfect child or teen, but despite the raging hormones, personality changes and general maturing we’ve had our ups and downs. It just so happens, though, that we’ve maintained a very close mother/daughter relationship and – gasp! – friendship!

Why am I talking about this? Parents who have not experienced raising a teenager often inquire as to how Amber and I have remained so close. Therefore when I received an email from Kaplan about their latest Test Prep survey on social networking trends and practices among today’s teens, I had to share the results with you. Here are the results from the Kaplan’ survey, which was conducted by email by 2,313 of their test prep students who took SAT and/or ACT between June 2010 and December 2010:

• 35 percent of teens whose parents are on Facebook report they are not online friends with them. Of that group, 38 percent say the reason they are not friends is because they’ve ignored their mom or dad’s friend request.
• But even as some teens ignore their parents’ friend requests, 82 percent say that mom and dad are either “very involved” (44 percent) or “somewhat involved” (38 percent) in their academic lives.
• A different May 2010 Kaplan Test Prep survey reported that as a 56 percent of 973 high school students who have parents on Facebook say they provide them with full profile access including status updates, party photos and all. Thirty-four percent say they don’t give any access at all and 9 percent of teens give parents limited access.

One thing that was pointed out is that the Facebook relationship may not have as much to do with the parent/child relationship as one might assume. Teenagers and young adults may just want their privacy and separate lives from their parents.

My daughter isn’t one to post something crazy on FB; she doesn’t even cuss IRL (that’s in real life for all you old folk!) and she values the image she presents to people. I think that’s admirable and it makes me really proud.

So, how do you find that middle ground with your teen or young adult? If you’ve already established a strong relationship with your child that involves mutual respect and knowledge of roles and boundaries then it’s just a matter of asking or having a conversation. If that’s not the case with you then take a look at a few tips to get you started:

1. Go on a date. This is strictly just a fun outing doing something the two of you like to do together. Don’t talk about any hot button topics. Just have fun.
2. Keep a journal. The idea is to share a journal and pass it back and forth. You ask each other questions; discuss the topics that cause tension, etc. It’s a great way to get all of your thoughts out, ask all of your questions and be able to concentrate on the topic(s) at hand. (Yes, this is something my daughter and I have done.)
3. Learn to relate. I don’t discount all of the music my daughter listens to. I don’t overly criticize the television shows she watches. I engage, discuss, focus, give feedback and often end up finding something she loves that we can both enjoy.

Here’s the nutshell: It’s a relationship and it’s work. If it wasn’t worth it it’d be easy. Now get out there and make friends.

I’m a firm believer in college students being involved on their campuses with organizations, study groups and extracurricular activities. I also believe they should take the opportunities to study overseas, get part-time jobs and participate in internships. Some people may think college students are busy enough so they don’t need any additional activities, but those activities hold a two-fold function: 1) Gaining “world” knowledge and experiences as well as 2) Learning selflessness.

It’s the subject of selflessness that prompted me to write this post (and a similar one on my personal blog, It’s a woman’s world!). If you’ve been following along here you know I’m the parent of four children with the oldest being almost 20 years old. That honor has given me the distinct title of being the “first-time college mom.”

Having a young adult daughter who is a college student has been quite a learning experience for me. Not only am I acquiring some more higher education knowledge; I’m also learning more about my daughter – as an adult. It’s a well-known fact that I am extremely proud of her. She’s a ray of sunshine and she’s a caring, loving and selfless person. I’ve always known that, but she continues to surprise me with the things she does. Recently, she surprised me again when she asked me to come down to her school for Relay for Life.

Relay for Life is the American Cancer Society’s event to raise money for cancer research and to make a difference in the lives of those who have it, have had it and their loved ones. Amber explained to me that the Relay for Life event goes on throughout the night to relay the fact that cancer doesn’t sleep… it doesn’t take a break. So true; I know. Cancer, for me, has always been on the outskirts of my brain and that’s where I like to keep it. I guess it’s denial.

Years ago I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma, which – simply put – is a cancer of the bone. (If you’re interested you can read more about my health challenges at It’s a woman’s world! where I put up health and weight loss journal posts.) I don’t think of myself as having cancer and I don’t say I have cancer. I just don’t believe in labeling myself that way. I do say I have been diagnosed and the doctors believe I am in remission. I’m telling you all of that because Amber also asked me to write a post about Relay for Life, which got me to thinking about my own situation.

When I went to her team page, where it explains about the event and cause as well as requests support and donations, I was inspired to join in. (Yes, please click the donations link to support the cause and help Amber raise money for Relay for Life. Thanks.) Now, I’m not just going to support my daughter and walk with her, I’m a part of her Relay for Life team to support the American Cancer Society as a survivor. And that’s okay.

As a matter of fact, that’s fabulous. Not only did Amber help me to realize my own mental issues when it comes to cancer, but she showed me the selflessness of participation, the generosity of individuals and the healing affect something like this can have.

Whatever you tell your student about college be sure to add advice on being involved in community service projects, organizations and other activities that will expand their knowledge and empathy for the world around them. It’s a lesson we can all learn on an ongoing basis. I’m also proud to say even my younger children are doing their part: My youngest daughter raised money for St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital and participated in the Trik-a-thon at her school and my two middle children are collecting money for the March of Dimes.

It doesn’t matter what we do; it just matters that it’s a selflessness act.

With 2011 came a lot of changes for me and my family. One of those changes was moving from a home to an apartment. The hardest part of the change for me was moving into a place that isn’t exactly big enough for me and all of my children. It’s an adequate size for me and the three youngest children, but it doesn’t accommodate my adult child – my college student.

That was actually a difficult decision for me to make. As a mother, I make choices based on what’s best for me and my children. What I’m learning – and getting used to – is that the choices I make now may or may not include my adult child. My concern is how those types of decision will affect her.

One thing Amber and I have working for us is our close relationship. Over the past six months or so I’ve inquired of her how she would feel without a room where all of her things will be. I also made it clear to her that I wanted her to feel welcome and comfortable and that wherever we are it’s always home for her. The solution for us on the home front is her sisters’ room will have a bunk bed with a full-sized bed on bottom, which will allow for her to have a comfortable place to rest.

Currently, she sleeps on the couch when she comes home or in one of her siblings’ beds. She doesn’t mind too much because she likes to watch television until all hours, but what we’ve discovered is that when her brother and sisters are home they are up quite early on weekend mornings and they haven’t mastered the art of consideration! The television and kitchen in and near the area where Amber is sleeping causes quite a few “leave me alones” and “be quiets” from my tired and over-worked, biology major student.

Here are a few things you’ll need to consider and discuss if your family has to move while you still have a dependant in college:

Ask your college student what they think. Sounds simple, right? I’m learning it’s not. Amber has quite a few friends whose parents have decided to move without telling them. I can’t fathom any circumstances – besides alcohol or drug addiction – that would fuel me to “abandon” my child regardless of their age. Once I talked to Amber I discovered that she was planning on getting an apartment before the fall semester, which means she probably won’t be home as much. I, however, have decided to always have room for her. The other thing is Amber was aware of my reasons for needing to move and she supported those 100 percent. Although I don’t need her approval it did make the process and transition easier and stress free.

Open up a little. Parents have a mantra they often live by: Children should be children and not concerned with adult business. That’s right to a certain degree. Once you have adult children there is a new and different dynamic in the air. For these adult children there is a measure of concern and care for their parents that reach a higher level especially if you’re a single parent. By disclosing, to a certain degree, issues you’re having you let your child know you trust them, value them and it alleviates some of their worry.

Keep in touch. When our environments change, our routines change so we have to be sure to make time for important relationships. One of my most important relationships is with Amber. I was a little incommunicado when I first moved so Amber initiated most contact. Now that I’m finally settling in I’m sure to still email, text, post to Facebook, instant message and call her. We take advantage of all means of communication to not only stay in touch, but to maintain our changing relationship.

Be flexible. I have a friend whose mother is quite inflexible. The mother is an extremely nice, caring and loving woman, but she only allows guests – including her children – at certain times. For instance, her children have gotten “approval” for visits, started arrangements and been looking forward to visits only to find out that “it’s not a good time.” I’m not completely sure of the lady’s reasons for cancelling or changing plans at the last minute, but if she were a little more flexible she wouldn’t be complaining about not seeing her grandchildren. My reason for telling you this? You don’t want your adult children to resent you. Honestly, there have been times I’ve wanted a quiet weekend alone or been considering other plans and then have found out Amber is coming home. There is not one of those times that I’ve regretted her returns. I’m totally flexible and open to sharing, laughing, shopping, eating, watching movies and lounging – all of the things we like to do together.

In fact, I have to run now so I can IM or text Amber to tell her goodnight. If you have ideas on how to help families and their adult, college children adjust to major life changes; please leave me a comment below. I would love to know your thoughts.

Be sure to come back again soon because I think I’m going to put Amber on the spot. For my next post, we’re going to see what Amber has to say about her family moving.

Petula
First-time college mom
PetulaW.com

When I thought about writing this post I was just going to dive in and get started. The topic, which I’ll explore in a couple of weeks, was going to be about how moving the family household affects your college student. The reason I’m not talking about this today is because I’ve been away for a few months on a little hiatus. (You can read more about that on my blog, It’s a woman’s world!) So, to me, it seemed wrong just to pop back in.

Let’s review some of the things I’ve talked about before:

On January 11^th, I talked about changing your inner dialogue. It started when I reread Millicent St. Claire’s book “Simply Ridiculous: A Realization and Transformation of Ridiculous Beliefs and Behaviors.” Using the example of road rage and relying on Millicent’s book, I revealed how we should be looking more at ourselves in situations than at others. I wondered how many other parents do this and have unintentionally passed this habit and mindset off to their children/students who are using this same inner dialogue when dealing with their financial aid, courses, professors and college life in general. Check out that post and let me know your experiences.

The post that’s most appropriate for this time of year is the one titled: “Spring Break: An opportunity for adventure, impact and even more learning.” Although many students strive to have fun during the Spring Break there are opportunities to go on an international adventure, impact a community that needs help or expand their knowledge by participating in a temporary job or educational journey. There are students who will always strive to do more – to go above and beyond what is required, but there are some students who need a little boast to take advantage of this “free” time. In a time when competitiveness and opportunities are few and far between it’s imperative that we assist our children to reach higher. You can get some good ideas on how to do that or where to direct them by reading that Spring Break post.

And one of my favorite posts is “Help your student decide on a major or specialty (aka ‘How to make a doctor’)”. I always like the posts where I can use my oldest child, Amber, as an example. Not only is she willing to share her life with me, but she’s the type of person who believes if her experience can help someone else then go for it. Amber has wanted to be a pediatrician since she was a little girl; I actually can’t remember a time when she hasn’t wanted to do that. It’s great for me, as her mom, to know that she’s chosen a direction and is sticking to it. During my conversations with her regarding her career path, I tried to introduce her to a specialty. She said no. That post tells you about what a parent’s part is in helping their college student decide on a major or specialty.

I know it’s tiring to keep up with everything that’s going on with our children, but I’m here to help. Through trial and error, good and bad experiences, this mom of four is here to share what’s happening in my world so what’s happening in your world will go a little more smoothly. If there’s a topic you’d like me to cover or a question you want to ask feel free to do so in the comments below.

Thanks for stopping by… I look forward to sharing more of my parent’s perspective.

Petula
First-time college mom
PetulaW.com

Where did the thought come from? I had recently been reading Millicent St. Claire’s book “Simply Ridiculous: A Realization and Transformation of Ridiculous Beliefs and Behaviors” and a portion of it popped into my head.

“When things got tough, I took the easy way out – I made everyone bad and wrong for everything. Denial made this easy and convenient. (and I couldn’t recognize the ridiculousness of it all.) It was never my fault when things went wrong. I loved finger-pointing. I blamed family, friends and total strangers – I even blamed God.”

It may seem silly to use this as it relates to a little road rage, but normally if one is placing the blame in one small area of their life then their doing it in other parts as well. Fussing in traffic is such a small thing, but it’s something I do a lot and it can often take my mood from good to bad. I wondered how many other parents do this and have unintentionally passed this habit and mindset off to their children/student who are using this same inner dialogue when dealing with their financial aid, courses, professors and college life in general.

Here are some examples:

• The ridiculous thought: “If the instructor would just be clear and not so boring, I would have passed the test.”
• The thought should have been: “I should have asked the instructor for clarification and sought out a tutor.”
• The ridiculous thought: “I missed a meeting because they didn’t post the information where everyone could see it.”
• What about: I should have called one of the members or asked someone if they knew when the meeting was.”

Placing blame on someone else is not taking responsibility for yourself and your actions, and therefore you’re not in control. By taking responsibility you can then take control of your life. It’s almost as easy as it sounds; it’s just a matter of changing your inner dialogue.

It’s going to take awhile for me to stop fuming about slow drivers while I’m on the road, but it’ll make for a more pleasant drive if I just focus on what I’m doing – or not doing – rather than worrying about someone else. That’s a skill I think my college student can learn in some areas and one that I’m continually trying to teach my three youngest children. In the meantime, have a conversation with your student to help them evaluate areas where they are taking complete responsibility. Should they have sought out the help of their professor or mentor instead of complaining that the information isn’t clear? Do they need to enlist the help of a tutor, or other student services, when they’re having difficulty in class instead of sulking and fretting in silence?

To learn more about Simply Ridiculous, you’ll have to check out Millicent’s book and her writing. It’s the ideal quick and easy read that will take you to a new level of understanding.

Petula
First-time college mom
PetulaW.com

See larger image Simply Ridiculous!: A Realization and Transformation of Ridiculous Beliefs and Behaviors (Paperback) By (author) Millicent St. Claire List Price: $12.95 USD New From: $9.52 In Stock Used from: $13.52 In Stock

The majority of campuses we visited have call boxes on their grounds and roaming security personnel. At Georgia College & State University, where Amber is now in the midst of her second year, has those two things in place as well as an emergency button within each of the four bedrooms of her suite and one in the common area. In addition to those measures, the institution also has a text system that’s used when there’s a threat on campus or in the area and all the students need to be notified to remain inside.

If you’re new to the college scene then that’s one of the things you’ll want to pay attention to. Also, ask questions about their security force if they don’t automatically tell you about it. At one campus we toured, I was not impressed with their security measures and at another I thought their security force seemed somewhat militant. At GCSU, not only do they have the on-campus security, but the local police are only a hop, skip and jump away and work in cahoots with the campus to maintain security and order.

About a month or so ago I got a call from my daughter telling me she had just received a text about an individual on campus that was wielding a knife. A few hours later an “all clear” text was sent. It’s knowing and seeing that these methods work that gives me some peace of mind as she ventures further into the big bad world.

As our children grow up and leave home we will no longer be an arm’s length away to protect them so we have to make sure that systems are in place (and we’ve taught them well) to keep them safe. I’m comfortable in knowing that my daughter has the knowledge and support she needs. The cute, pink pepper spray gadget that she carries on her key chain doesn’t hurt either.

Petula
First-time college mom
PetulaW.com

Once again I was perusing Amber’s college’s website and happened upon an article about a young lady, with a visual impairment, who is graduating from GCSU. The article “Graduating Senior Navigates Her Way through Life” tells about ShaQuantaey “Taey” Mack who has earned a bachelor’s degree in sociology and criminal justice.

The article got me to thinking: What do students with disabilities need to be successful on campus?

At GCSU there’s an Institutional Equity and Diversity for Disability Services program that helped Taey navigate her four years of college. Therefore it makes sense that when looking for an institute of higher learning there should already be a similar program in place. For Taey, anything she needed for class she was assisted with. For instance, ensuring the software that allows her laptop to print Braille was working properly, etc. Taey was even able to go on a study-abroad trip; she’ll continue her education to get a graduate degree and will be spending about nine months at an organization to learn more advanced skills so she can be even more independent.

Of course elements need to be in place where students with disabilities are going, but – what stood out to me – was the tenacity and drive of this young lady. It got me to thinking that ultimately what all students need to be successful on campus is overall support. Had Taey not had the support of her family as well as individuals and programs on campus she may not have been as successful.

We – as parents and caregivers – can be the difference between the success and failure of our children. That’s IMHO. There may be a fine line between helicopter parent and hands-off parent, but it’s our duty to find the balance. What have you done lately to ensure your child’s success?

Petula
First-time college mom
PetulaW.com

As a parent it’s a given that our children are going to sometimes – well, more likely, often – reject our ideas and suggestions. It really doesn’t matter what age they are: It starts when they’re about 2 or 3 years old when you accidentally pose the question, “Do you want to wear this dress today?” What you meant was, “You’re wearing this dress today,” but since you posed it as a question you got an answer. “No.”

Then middle school rolls around and you ask whether your child is going to try out for the basketball team. No. Play an instrument? No. Finally, you realize this person who came from your loins has their own opinions, desires and dreams. But, don’t forget, that doesn’t mean you can’t – or shouldn’t – plant the seeds in their heads.

Case in point: When Amber was in elementary school she told me she wanted to be a pediatrician. I, of course, was thrilled and jumped on the bandwagon. “Paging Dr. Lloyd… paging Dr. Lloyd.”

I talked to her about the profession and asked why she was interested in it. Several years went by and her interest never changed. When she was transitioning from elementary school to middle school I began talking to her about the specialties that pediatricians could choose. Like oncology, cardiology or psychiatry. I took her around a hospital and pointed out certain things. Every medical professional that we encountered throughout her childhood was told what she wanted to do for a living. In high school, I tried to point her into the specialty direction again: What about a pediatric surgeon or ear, nose and throat? No and nope. And she gave me her reasons for wanting to have a straight pediatric practice.

A few days ago I received a call from Amber who said, “I didn’t really want anything I’ve just been meaning to tell you that I chose a specialty.”

“Really? What?”

“Pediatric Gastrointerology.”

“Yea? Congratulations!” We chatted a bit more about why that field made so much sense to her (she’s dealt with GI problems for the past four years) and how exciting the choice was. I, being the perfect mother that I am, did not say ‘I told you so!’

Do I think I was the main reason she chose a specialty? Of course not. But do I think I had some type of influence on her that helped her be open to the possibility when presented with it in college? Definitely.

Whether your student has decided on a major or not, the following tips can help you help your student narrow down their decision:

1. Support their passion or hobby. With financial concerns under consideration do what you can to fuel their passions. For instance, provide books on their interests, take them to trade shows, exhibitions and related events that will encourage them and provide additional information. When feasible, purchase supplies that assist.
2. Suggest and direct their extracurricular activities. If your student is interested in a career in music then they should be taking music lessons, involved with the band and/or chorus and looking into work or internships at theaters and playhouses.
3. Make mentors matter. Those who speak of their success usually mention important and influential people in their lives. A lot of those times the mentors were discovered on their own path. Imagine how much trial and error can be surpassed if you assisted them in meeting potential mentors. Suggest professional organizations to contact, colleagues and fellow alumni, fellow church goers, etc.
4. Lead by example. Making room for your own dreams, taking your own advice and using your resources to make your education and career decisions are obvious examples young adults may emulate.

There’s no step-by-step plan that will make this a fail-safe plan, but if you’re a proactive parent you can continue to lead your child – your young adult – through the most exciting, important and challenging time of their lives.

“Paging Dr. Lloyd… paging Dr. Lloyd.”

Petula
First-time college mom
PetulaW.com

“After Matt Drury earns a perfect score on the SAT, he soon finds himself working for a vast cheating network at his high school, getting paid for services ranging from taking the SAT for classmates with a fake ID to providing social studies homework and test answers for the entire ninth grade. But once inside the cheating network, he encounters corruption, beatings, and even murder. With the help of his oddball friends, Matt soon decides he must expose the network and bring down its nefarious leader, Emil Updike. And he just might be able to, if Updike and the network don’t destroy him first.”

Want to find out what happens next? Then you’ll have to read “The Great SAT Swindle: A novel featuring more than 1,500 vocabulary words in a tale of deception & punishment” by Michael Hartnett. As soon as I became privy to this work of fiction, I knew that parents and students alike would be interesting in not only a good read, but an opportunity to improve their vocabulary. And for those students who are preparing to take the SAT they’ll kill two birds with one stone: a great story and a creative study guide.

“The Great SAT Swindle” is a book that I wish I’d had in high school and one my rising college junior, Amber, wishes she’d been able to read as well. Even though it’s a novel written for high school students, or those in that age range, I found it to be quite humorous*. The plot moves a bit slowly in the beginning, but the way the words are used made a “word hog” like me really get into the book. And, believe it or not, even the definitions (they’re numbered and at the bottom of each page) are engaging. For instance, when defining the word ‘ogling’ Hartnett writes, “to stare at, usually with love or sex on the mind. Ogle is what seventeen-year-old boys like me do in the hours left when they’re not talking about sports or playing video games.”

The idea that a creative work can help with learning SAT vocabulary words was initially lost on me because I thought the person reading the book wouldn’t be able to absorb the words when only encountering them once. However, further along in the book I found some words – I didn’t make it through the entire book before this review – repeated and reiterated. In fact, the use of words is fantastic (“… I would say to Constance if I were some kiss-ass sycophantic toady”) albeit sometimes redundant (“… inclined to foster monotony, tedium and ennui with less effort than I had anticipated.”), but the author is successful in capturing your attention while improving your vocabulary. This is a book that parents will want to read as well. The one downfall from the adult perspective: No pronunciations.

With the stress that test taking causes it’s a good idea to find something that isn’t as stressful as some study guides. Of course, there are practice tests and other means of studying (like guides, tutoring, etc.) that should be utilized, but with “The Great SAT Swindle” students can have a little fun while expanding their brains.

Don’t take my word for it; judge for yourself and get a copy at Amazon. (Yup, that was a shameless plug to get you to purchase through my link …)

*Humorous example: In the first chapter of the book the protagonist is talking about a hairstylist acting as a psychiatrist and says, “Watching her attempt to smile was like watching a dog with no legs try to chase down a stick.”

Petula
First-time college mom
PetulaW.com

See larger image The Great SAT Swindle: A novel featuring more than 1500 vocabulary words in a tale of deception & punishment (Paperback) By (author) Michael Hartnett List Price: $19.99 USD New From: $17.32 In Stock Used from: $15.47 In Stock

If what this article says is true then my daughter, who won’t have her first degree until about 2013/14, needs to start positioning herself and doing the legwork now to ensure her place in the world of the working class. Although some students who are finding it difficult to obtain employment after graduation are choosing to obtain a master’s degree or take jobs outside of their field, but it’s only a Band-Aid to the problem.

And that Band-Aid isn’t sticking well. When today’s graduates apply for jobs they qualify for they’re finding they’re being pushed out of the interview process by more experienced individuals who are currently out of work. Right now our economy is causing a terrible trickle-down effect.

The article recommends two things for graduates to do in order to better position themselves: standing out from the crowd and utilizing short-term opportunities for the long-term pay off. What do our Campus Talk Blog experts have to say about that? Jon Tingley writes about navigating a student affairs placement exchange as well as time management being a number one skill needed.

It is information like this that I’m hoping will improve Amber’s chances of walking into a fabulous J.O.B. when she graduates. Her plan is to continue her education through medical school, but there’s nothing wrong with increasing her chances of career success by taking this advice to heart and implementing it.

Do you think the unemployment rate and job opportunities will get better in the next two to three years?

Petula
First-time college mom
PetulaW.com

Then it dawned on me: I don’t have the secret life of a stripper by night and a blogger by day. I don’t rob banks or steal cars. I’m not the suburban coke-head mom or selling prescription drugs so if there’s something about me that I can share with others to make a point or segue into some necessary information then I’m going to do that.

For a month or more I’ve wanted to talk to you about health insurance for your college student because I came across a little dilemma on Amber’s 19th birthday. I knew it was coming, but I still hadn’t been able to prepare for it in a proactive way. For the past 19 years all of my children have been on Medicaid. Even when I’ve held a full-time job my children have qualified for Medicaid. As a freelancer who happens to be an Air Force Veteran I don’t have typical medical insurance; I get my medical care at the Veteran’s Association hospital and because I’m not a retired veteran my dependents don’t qualify for medical care.

With Amber turning 19 she no longer qualifies for Medicaid under me because as far as they’re concerned she’s no longer a dependent. So the dilemma for us is finding medical coverage when there isn’t an extra penny in the budget. How does one go about that and what are the options? I’m going to share with you what we’ve done so far and options that may be available to you.

If you’re in a similar circumstance and your children received Medicaid you can rest assured that they can use the health facility on campus for everyday medical concerns without medical coverage. However, they’ll need to have funds available for over-the-counter medications and other recommendations that aren’t covered by the school. The downside of this is if your child needs to go to the emergency room the bill (plus ambulance fees, if applicable) will have to be paid out-of-pocket. Here’s information from Georgia College & State University where Amber attends:

Campus services

• Outpatient medical care for the treatment of minor illnesses and injuries is provided by Nurse Practitioners.
• A network of referral services are available in the community and used when needed.
• Health information and other types of educational materials are available in the clinic.

Out-of-pocket costs

Most of the costs involved with receiving care in the clinic is covered by the Health Fee (the health fee at GCSU is $95 per semester). There is no charge for clinic visits and there is no limit to the number of visits to the clinic. Most medications and supplies are provided at no cost to the student. Many lab tests are performed in the clinic at no charge, but there is a charge for specimens sent to outside laboratories.

Some coverage options

For freelancers, like me, who don’t have employers and a health insurance plan then it is prudent to get coverage. There are quite a few companies that offer coverage to small business owners, freelancers and contractors, and you can add your dependents on that. Check out an article I found on FreelanceSwitch.com. it included some comprehensive information and suggestions specifically geared toward freelancers. Be sure to read the comments as there are other suggestions and input there.

Those who have a full-time job can, of course, add family members to their policies. The additional expense may seem astronimical, but in the long run it’ll be worth it. Evaluate where you can cut things in other areas of your budget (and put that money aside) to make up for the increase in premium.

Find a policy/company where your young adult can get their own insurance. It doesn’t hurt to check out this option. They have few expenses and could more than likely swing the premiums if they have a part-time job and no prior major health concerns. If they can’t do it alone then that’s where you come in.

This is just a small sampling of information and things I’ve explored thus far. Stay tuned because I’ll be revisiting this subject to not only update you on our insurance situation, but I’ll also be turning to our CampusTalkBlog and ProSpeakers Bureau experts for their input. In the meantime, leave me a comment with any questions or concerns you have on the health insurance subject as it relates to your college student. I look forward to the dialogue.

Petula
First-time college mom
PetulaW.com

Sadly I’m further in debt than I was before and I’m too embarrassed to tell you how much. No, I didn’t get credit card happy or live beyond my means. The facts are simple: I am now a divorced, single mother of four and during my marriage I allowed extremely bad financial decisions (everything was in my name) that spiraled out of control. I won’t get into the details of it all, but that old saying is true: “When you know right, you should do right,” and I’m confident enough to add this: “and don’t let anyone talk you out of doing right.”

If you don’t know right and have no idea where to get started with getting out of debt then you need the guidance and expertise of Jordan E. Goodman, the bestselling author of “Everyone’s Money Book” and the recently released “Master Your Debt: Slash Your Monthly Payments and Become Debt-Free.”

Goodman wrote “Master Your Debt” to help consumers maximize opportunities and avoid the pitfalls this new era of debt has caused. He believes that you can combine the knowledge and resources you gain from him to get the best credit rating, best deals on loans and pay off debts long before you ever thought possible. And he should know. Goodman’s not new to the scene; he has spent his professional life – more than 30 years – in the financial marketplace including 18 years at Money magazine. He’s a financial journalist and educator who has been around the proverbial block in the media including his own site, MoneyAnswers.

So, it’s no wonder “Master Your Debt,” which begins with an explanation of how the debt landscape has changed, is engaging, well-written and chocked full of valuable information from the introduction to the last chapter. Goodman suggests reading the book from front to back and taking time to accomplish some of the necessary tasks to get a clear picture of your financial situation. For instance, compiling net worth and cash flow statements, taking a risk test and analyzing your debt should be first on the list. “You need a starting point, and you need to be absolutely honest with yourself about where you stand,” Goodman writes. “By the time you’ve done the work…, you’ll have a very firm foundation for improving your finances, making the most of your credit and managing your debt.”

Once you have a clear picture of where you stand it’ll be easier to move forward. However, if there’s something pressing on your financial table then it will serve you to jump forward in the book. For instance, Chapter 9 gives you an education about college costs and Chapter 11 tells you how to survive bankruptcy. By working “Master Your Debt,” which is an engaging and easy-to-read book, you’ll be guided to becoming debt free. And, if after documenting your financial situation you’re not sure whether you’re in trouble or not Goodman provides 13 warning signs that signal you have debt problems.

Speaking of problems: Are you curious about whether I’ll follow Goodman’s advice to (re)master my debt? The short answer is yes. While I’m taking back control of my financial life, I’ll be handling the little matter of increasing my income.  What about you? Are you ready to get serious about mastering your debt?

This Christmas will only be the second one that I’ve spent without my oldest daughter Amber. I’ve known for about the past four months that she plans on going to Texas because her oldest sister is having a baby around Christmas Day. As the day approaches I feel more and more dread about her Christmas-time absence… Over the past 19 and a half years we’ve established traditions that have not only solidified our relationship but that we really look forward to each year. Honestly, the holiday season is not the same without my baby. Yes, I have other children who are ages 7, 5 and 3, but the traditions I’ve developed with them have always included Amber.

What this has made me come to grips with is that my daughter is very close to totally leading a separate life from me. This, of course, is not a bad thing. It’s what I’ve been raising her to do, right? It’s the beginning of my so called empty nest.

How, during such a memory-filled and special time of the year, will I and other parents like me deal with the absence of adult children during the holidays? Well, I’m glad you asked because I have some tips to make it easier:

1. Talk to your children ahead of time about their plans. Don’t assume they will be spending the holidays with you as usual. That will only lead to disappointment when they announcement their roommate invited them to go skiing for the weekend or they plan on visiting other relatives.
2. Make alternative plans. Have a discussion about something the two of you can do to begin new traditions. It may be meeting for a Christmas lunch, having a family get together on another day or exchanging gifts on New Year’s Day.
3. Invite the interlopers. If your child is starting to spend time with their significant others’ family then you want to be sure to invite them for other events or holidays. That way you get your face time as well. And, most importantly, it behooves you to make this as easy as possible for your child so they don’t feel torn between the people they care about the most.
4. Record the details. Start a photographic journal, blog or other means of sharing your events and holidays. For instance, buy a large journal with blank pages to paste photos in and write details of your Christmas or holiday celebrations then pass it on to your child. They in turn do the same thing (in their own way) and pass it back. That way you – and they – feel like they’re apart of the festivities.

Keep in mind as you adjust to these changes that’s this is only the beginning. When your children get married and/or have children of  their own there will be new traditions to begin. Happy Holidays and congratulations on raising such a wonderful, independent child(ren).

Petula
First-time college mom
PetulaW.com

That means when all of the ingredients come together – in life and in baking – you’ll have a one-of-a-kind experience that has the right proportions of everything, it will be heated to the right temperature then cooled down resulting in a “life to remember.” It’s okay if you don’t get it right away because Davis takes her time in explaining how to gather the right ingredients to mix up the kind of life you want. When she made her first pie, Davis realized that life is like pie or any baked good for that matter; to be good it has to be exposed to extreme temperatures.

What this author has to say reminds me a lot of “The Secret,” which everyone was talking about years ago. In fact, she also authored “The Law of Attraction in Action.” Davis knows the power of reframing thoughts to make conscious decisions and learn from our experiences. It’s while reading this that I was sure “Laugh, Cry, Eat Some Pie” is a book that is ideal for whatever stage of life you’re in. Davis relays stories and personal anecdotes to get across her point and often uses humor to solidify it. (She believes humor serves to enhance and preserve life.)

Let’s reframe our thoughts as it pertains to college students. Instead of my daughter, who’s a sophomore at Georgia College, saying, “I don’t know how to complete my chemistry assignment and I don’t have help.” She should say (reframe the phrase in her mind), “I [do] need help to complete my chemistry assignment.” That changes it from focusing on what she can’t do to what she can do. Get it?

I find this book to be well-written, engaging and chuckle worthy, but it’s not a book that can be skimmed through in one night; although it is a quick read. “Laugh, Cry, Eat Some Pie” includes food for thought within each chapter and questions to enhance your awareness of important principles that apply to your own life. By bringing awareness you can take action that will assist you in living the life you’ve always dreamed about.

Don’t take my word for it; grab a copy of the book at Amazon.com or your local bookstore.

Petula
First-time college mom
PetulaW.com

See larger image Laugh, Cry, Eat Some Pie: A Down-to-Earth Recipe for Living Mindfully (Even When the World FeelsHalf-Baked) (Paperback) By (author) Deanna Davis List Price: $13.95 USD New From: $0.01 In Stock Used from: $0.01 In Stock Release date August 3, 2010.

Of course this would interest me because I have a daughter who just completed her freshman year at Georgia College & State University and, to top it off, she is a chemistry major, which is a program that has a high drop-out rate. Amber says she knows a few people who have dropped that major since last semester. The two main reasons she’s heard for dropping out are 1) the student doesn’t like the subject as much as they thought they would and 2) the subject is too hard. She mentioned one student who dropped the major because he got a C in last semester’s class.

What can leaders – parents, administrators, mentors, advisors – do to decrease the number of college drop outs and the number of those who give up on their chosen major? When I posed this question to Amber she said she doesn’t have an answer because she thinks the people in positions of authority are doing everything they can. The students should, she says, simply take the advice of those put in the positions to help them.

Amber gave the following example: A young lady she knows apparently had some type of issue in her chosen major (whether it was with an individual, the program or a specific class is unclear) and instead of discussing it with her department head, advisor, professors or mentor she changed her major from biology to French.

Is it as simple as Amber makes it sound? Does the answer to reducing the overall drop out and failure rate lie in the students’ hands? If that’s the case then all they need to do is implement the advice given by those with more experience. I would say: yes and no. The responsibility is with the parents long before the student arrives at a university.

We must teach our children key points to assist them on the road to their goals. Here are two things that readily come to mind:

Research. It seems obvious, but I think some are missing a step: before delving into anything you must know if you’ll like it or not. That involves reading about the subject; conversing with those who are already doing it (Want to be in the band? Talk to a member. Thinking about pursuing a medical degree? Chat up your pediatrician.); and generally exhausting every resource to learn all you can.

Respect (trust?) adults/authority. I’ve noticed that many young people today (boy, that makes me sound old) have not been taught to respect adults and those in authority. If you have a student who doesn’t seem open to your advice as their parent, what makes you think they’ll be open to the advice of another person of authority? I believe my daughter is able to accomplish more on her own because she takes the information received from others, compares it with her goals and what she thinks along with the advice that I’ve offered then comes to a conclusion based on input and how it works with what she’s trying to accomplish.

Obviously I’ve taken a position that parents can make a difference in the drop-out rates if they teach their children certain skills at an early age – this is just the tip of the melting iceberg. How else can a change be made if we continually shirk our responsibilities and look to others for the solution to the problem? I’d like to know your thoughts…

Petula

First-time college mom

http://www.PetulaW.com

When Amber told me she was going to take classes this past summer at a local college (see: Summer, Summer, Summer Time) here in Atlanta I supported her 100 percent. She had talked to her advisor and determined it would be the best course of action. She did everything necessary to get herself enrolled. In the midst of that and her finals she kept me informed; the first thing I learned was she would be a “transient student.”

As soon as she got home for the summer from GCSU she needed to finalize everything at the “new” school. Almost immediately the first dilemma presented itself: One of her classes was canceled due to low enrollment. Unavoidable, but Amber needed two classes for financial aid.

She contacted her advisor and determined an alternative. All was a go again. All she had to do was re-register (her classes had been dropped by the school) and re-submit some paperwork with the new class information. By this time she had been to the local campus about four times in one week. The fifth time I was with her in the financial aid office when the lady said, ‘Your aide came in; you’re all set.’

The next week, a Monday, Amber went to class and found out she had been dropped again because of non-payment.

Huh?

I’ll spare you the details of how that happened. Here are my suggested solutions:

• Give transient students an information packet that explains the institution’s policies, procedures, etc. For instance, at GCSU the financial aid office supplies information on student balances and verifies everything students need. At the “temp” school they didn’t inform her that another office (the name escapes me and no matter how much searching I do on their site I can’t find any information among the transient directions), which had additional information regarding her account balance. Amber finally realized the office they were referring to was similar to one in GCSU’s financial aid office, but it has a different name.
• Due to a short time frame between the end of one semester and the beginning of another, a text or email plan could be in place to keep transient students up to date. The school’s representative said Amber wouldn’t have received a bill because of the short time frame and there was no way to let her know in time. With today’s technology (email, school accounts, cell phones, instant messaging…) that logic is absurd. To date, no bill, invoice or receipt has been sent.
• First two choices unrealistic? Setting transient students up with campus mentors to assist them. The student volunteer can earn credit hours or community service points so both individuals benefit.

If Amber had dropped the ball and not been at the financial aid office so frequently then this would be a moot point and an entirely different post. Given the difficulty and sometimes complex nature of higher education, wouldn’t it behoove some schools to be a little more student friendly? And it sure would save the sanity of first-time college moms!

Petula
First-time college mom
PetulaW.com

For me, that means encouraging Amber to obtain her medical degree and also pursue opening her own practice. This isn’t a new “lecture” that I’ve given; I’ve been trying to get her to think more businesslike for as long as I can remember. For instance, almost every hobby or creative spurt she’s had I’ve suggested that she try selling the item/product and build a customer base.

When we made jewelry and her friends told her how much they liked her pieces, I suggested she make some to sell. When she developed an interest in baking and started sharing her goodies with her friends, who then started making requests, I hinted that she should make some to sell. What teenager doesn’t want to earn money? She had an interest in designing handbags and t-shirts. I said, “Great idea. If you like it you should try selling them as well.”

I don’t know why, but nothing could make her pursue the avenue of making money. What could I have done differently (and do differently with the younger children) to light a fire under her to pursue an independent means of making money?*

And that’s the point: Independent financial survival especially in these economic times and with the competitiveness in the working world is absolutely essential. My mind shifted to the subject again when I read an article on Yahoo Finance provided by The Wall Street Journal. The article, “Teenage Entrepreneurs,” reported on several teen entrepreneurial legends who have successfully bought and sold businesses; who succeed in their education as they run their companies; and it hints at the methods, resources and other things that they’ve used for help and inspiration.

If you’ve read any of my other Parents’ Perspective blog posts then you know I believe it’s our job as parents to guide our children to success. What tips do you have on leading children to avenues that will result in successful entrepreneurialism?

*There isn’t a right or wrong answer to my question. I think I will continue to make suggestions and present resources like I’ve always done. While I’m at it there is a possibility that an idea will be fertilized within my children’s brains, take hold and grow.

Petula
First-time college mom
PetulaW.com

The first is “College Sense: What College and High School Advisors Don’t Tell You about College” by Tawan Perry. If you recall I told you about Tawan recently when I wrote a review of his “College Sense for Parents” audio edition. The “College Sense” book is “an insider’s view of our educational culture, what to expect and ways to react to various situations.” Amber said it’s a book she wishes she had known about before she started college in the summer of 2009. The book, which is geared toward high school seniors and college freshman, covers everything from whether college is the right choice and understanding professors and campus life to making the most of the social experience and identifying available resources including websites and books.

Tawan conveys this important information in a matter-of-fact tone that is bred from experiences and expertise. He’s conversational and informative while talking about some of the everyday aspects of dealing with campus administration, academic professors and college peers.

In the same category is “Coping with College: A Guide for Academic Success” by Alice L. Hamachek. She touches on some of the same subjects with the addition of offering memorization techniques to help students with class work and tests, tips on study strategies and note taking skills, practical ways to meet deadlines and be organized as well as enrichment activities and exercises.

I may not have all of the answers off of the top of my head when it comes to helping Amber navigate college life, but I can always direct, guide and suggest. Reading these two books and utilizing and implementing the tips and information provided is one of the directions I can send her in. Now, if you haven’t already, send your college student (or recent graduate) in the same direction.

Petula
First time college mom
PetulaW.com

See larger image College Sense: What College and High School Advisors Don't Tell You about College: What College and High School Advisors Don?t Tell You About College (Paperback) By (author) Tawan Perry List Price: $14.95 USD New From: $12.60 In Stock Used from: $12.40 In Stock

When Mary Tootikan began this book project it was because of her frustration with changes in the mortgage lending industry. That frustration resulted in “Stunned in America, Sub-Crime Mortgage Crisis,” which includes a workbook to help you determine how much mortgage you qualify for, what price home you should be buying and more.

Before you can broach those calculations, you have to get a bit of an insider’s lesson. The author has a knack for presenting “difficult to digest” information in interesting layman’s terms. To that end, if you’re still unclear, there’s a mortgage terminology section in the back of the book.

One of the chapters that stood out to me was Chapter 12, Overdrawn at the House of ATM: Solutions for the Defaulted Home Loans. In that chapter Tootikan reveals the cost of foreclosure to banks and the market; why loan modifications to 30-year, fixed-rate mortgages should be stopped; why defaulted borrowers should be evaluated on a case-by-case basis and several other options that are meant to “save” the mortgage industry. The information presented in this chapter is mostly plausible, with one suggestion that some might find unconventional (making the homeowner a leaser to the bank) and overall appears to be well-thought information to assist taxpayers and bankers recover from the current crisis.

Including in all of this information is a summary of 26 “common sense solutions” that Tootikan says will fix the mortgage lending industry. Tootikan should know because she has a 30-year tenure in the mortgage lending industry. Those solutions include:

• Implementing a variety of loan products to offer multiple landing options.
• Restore common sense to the underwriting function without fear of regulator wrath.
• Get rid of hard and fast rules of lending, in favor of responsible guidelines that don’t’ exclude credit-worthy individuals from the mortgage market.

This book is a wealth of information that in no way can be covered in this post so we encourage you to take a look at Stunned in America: Sub-Crime Mortgage Crisis* for yourself. It’s only through educating ourselves that we can make a difference in our lives and the lives of others.

Petula
First-time college mom
PetulaW.com

See larger image Stunned in America: Sub-Crime Mortgage Crisis (Paperback) By (author) Mary Tootikian List Price: $22.95 USD New From: $8.50 In Stock Used from: $1.99 In Stock

With so much to do as a parent it’s hard to find the time to get everything done including discovering and absorbing all the information available regarding sending your children to college. Not to worry because Tawan Perry has done most of the work for us in his audio book “College Sense for Parents.” Tawan includes about 70 tips on how to save money on textbooks, application fees, tuition, housing costs, tests and more.

What I like most about Common Sense is that the tips are given in short, quick bursts of information that are easy to understand. Not only does he give the information, but he provides website URLs where you can go to follow up, apply or find more information.

Here is a quick peek at some of the things you’ll learn:

• Did you know there are more than 800 schools that don’t require SAT or PSAT scores in order to apply?
• There are four proven tips on reducing tuition.
• Were you aware that some colleges and universities offer housing fee waivers?
• Students can earn credit for materials.
• Your student can take placement tests to get credit for introductory courses.

And that’s just the beginning. Common Sense for Parents is a definite must-have audio book that can be helpful for all parents from the first-time college parent to the seasoned college parent because it’s never too late to learn something new about saving money. Amen?

Petula
First-time college mom
PetulaW.com

See larger image College Sense: What College and High School Advisors Don't Tell You about College: What College and High School Advisors Don?t Tell You About College (Paperback) By (author) Tawan Perry List Price: $14.95 USD New From: $12.60 In Stock Used from: $12.40 In Stock

CampusTalkBlog provides information for the campus activities crowd through our extracurricular “subject matter experts” that helps colleges and universities increase student involvement and student retention. “We also use this blog to increase our understanding of the needs, challenges and opportunities in the area of student involvement and student retention,” says founder Rick Sherrell.

What does this have to do with you? Well, as a parent myself, I have found invaluable information to pass along to my daughter who is in her second year of college or as a conversation starter to find out what’s going on at her campus. As a contributor to this forum, my role is slightly different, but as a parent it’s the same as yours. CampusTalkBlog filled with information that you can direct your student to, advice you can share with them or seminars you can direct their activities department to.

An easy thing I’ve found to do is email my daughter or post a link on her Facebook page with something within the site that I think will interest her. For instance, I can send her a link to a growing page of informative posts about study skills, employment issues, student leadership, taking care of herself, and even a few things on managing her money. Not only can she peruse the posts at her leisure, but she doesn’t have to listen to me talk about it. Actually we have a close relationship so she often likes me to read things and summarize them for her, however, not all parent/child relationships work like that. By posting it on her FB page there’s a chance another student or college professional will see it and find useful information there as well. As a matter of fact, seconds after I wrote this paragraph, I copied her – and my adopted daughter – on a page. One word of caution: Do this occasionally; not every day.

One final topic that’s important: We have to help our students build their resumes. There’s a lot of competition at their level and it doesn’t stop (as you well know). Direct your student to the community service posts for ideas on not only building their resume, but helping others while learning something and putting their time to good use. As a matter of fact, while you’re at it, check out the ideas for yourself. We all need some character and resume building fodder.

There ya have it; a quick and dirty way to navigate CampusTalkBlog and find out what’s in it for you. Now when someone asks you how you became so savvy with college info just tell them about me and Parents’ Perspective. Wink.

Petula
First-time college mom
PetulaW.com

The Q&A session with Amber was really a lot of fun, and I want to encourage other parents to ask these questions of their college students. Although Amber and I are very close there were still a few things that I learned that I didn’t already know. Asking specific questions should garner you specific answers and information, and it will also serve as a moment when you can simply listen to hear what going on in their lives.

Enjoy this conversation then take a moment to leave a comment with a question you would ask your college student.

What is your biggest day-to-day challenge as a student?

“Managing my time so I have long enough to study and study the right things. For instance, I’ll map out time to study for three of my classes and I’m studying, but I go over the time I allotted for it then run out of time to study for one class. By the time I get to the class there’s not enough time left, or I can’t concentrate, or my bed is calling me. The other challenge is getting involved with things that go toward your profession. It’s not the same with everybody, but my advisor really cares about her students so when I have my advisor meeting she always makes a big thing about doing all this stuff for your profession. It’s hard to do things in your professions ‘cause you’re just trying to make it through your classes.”

If you could create your own continuing education course and make it required for your advisor, what would it be?

“I don’t know what it would be called, but it would be a course to teach them how to be realistic. My advisor is understanding to an extent… you know that standard thing that some parents say? The whole thing of ‘I was young once….’ She does the whole thing of ‘I’ve been in college once so I know how it is,’ but she has a photographic memory so she doesn’t know. And there should be a class just for nothingness – should be naptime or a field trip or something. No seriously, a field trip going to a hospital for pre-meds and visit other things to make that can be a requirement for a class. Not just something we do in the pre-med club. When are you going to have time to do all of that when you’re in school so it should be a part of class not extracurricular.”

If you could magically conjure up one thing that made life easier for college students, what would it be?

“Giving us more time. I feel like a semester should be a year long and classes should meet every other week. You have classes five days one week and that way a week to do the work, study and get some sleep. There’s never enough time.”

What are the biggest reasons you decided to go to college and choose your major?

“I’m not really sure why I decided to go to college. (We both laughed about that one!) I don’t recall having a specific moment where I was like ‘I really want to go to college.’ It just seemed like the next step to take, I guess. It just seems natural to flow into that. I was talking to one of my friends and we were excited to be out of high school and then we were like we’re out to go right back. It just kind of happened. I chose my major, chemistry over biology because I figured I wouldn’t enjoy biology as much and at the same time I remember hearing that if you are applying for med school then they look at chemistry majors. Then I find out you can be any major and apply for med school ‘cause you have to still take the medical entrance exam. If I could, I would be a chemistry major with a culinary arts minor.”

What do you find are some of the biggest challenges students face in making it through four years of college?

“The biggest challenge is keeping your motivation ‘cause I feel like every student goes through a period where they’re like ‘I don’t want to do this anymore.’ The feeling can last a week, a month or an entire semester. You’ll be okay for an hour, but then the feeling comes back. You question why you’re in college and you’re trying not to  get discouraged. It can be really discouraging especially for really smart kids who were making straight A’s in high school and you get a C in college and you don’t understand why. If you have a support system it helps, but it’s hard to stay motivated. First semester of school, I was studying the same amount I was in high school, which wasn’t much, then having to go from that and doing the same thing and realize it’s not working and wondering why it’s not working. In high school I worked my butt off to get my GPA over a 3.0 after I missed an entire semester due to health issue. Now it’s below again and I’m just not liking it. It’s stressful because I need above a 3.0 to keep hope. They track every 30, 60 and 90 hours and I have ‘til the end of the next semester before they check my GPA. It was hard in high school and it’s even harder in college.”

What do you think are the three must-have qualities of a successful student?

“All the things that some students don’t have; 1. time management skills; 2. never-ending motivation and 3. just to be able to put your pride to the side and learn how to ask for help and not feel like you’re bugging someone else. Also realizing you can’t do it by yourself and you need somebody there to study with a lot of the time.”

What do you think are the three must-have qualities for a successful student advisor?

“One, being realistic. It’s unrealistic to be a student advisor to tell someone it’s so easy once you get going and there will be a day when you won’t be upset and overwhelmed. Two, honesty, but not brutally honest. And three, being encouraging. I have my mentee from the club I’m in, The Catalyst Network, and sometimes she’ll ask me how I did in a class. I’m not going to tell her I made a B and then I made an A… just go and go and go, WOOHOOO! I would be honest to tell her I failed my first test, but let her know that it can get better.”

What’s the best thing about being a student on your campus?

“I have the best thing for being a chemistry major. I live in Herty, the science building. The third floor is where it’s at. Some people sleep there… it’s sad… For me as a student the best thing is having that support system at least on the chemistry floor. I heard it’s not like that with other departments. I love the department I’m in. Here and other schools, according to my friends, my professors are much more willing to help you and listen. Our professors make it a point to know your name and if you need help their door is open, but at the same time they’re honest and try to help you as much as they can. Once you move out of their class they’re still there. My general chemistry professor from last year still talks to me when I go to her for encouragement and she gives me a pep talk. It’s pretty cool to have that in college. Friends complain about their instructors really not caring.”

What are you going to do with your major when you get out of school?

“My first degree will be a Bachelor of Science in Chemistry. I’m planning on applying for med school. That’s my current plan, but that is so much more school. After I get the degree and apply I hope I make it in the first time. Hopefully I’ll be working in a pediatric office or something like that and dabbling in the field a little bit more. I haven’t looked into what jobs are available – some people are getting straight chemistry degrees and want to do research, and some people want to be straight chemist (I’d be interested in doing that). Some people are going into teaching. I don’t think I would mind teaching on a high school level, but only while I’m trying to get my med degree. I think there’s more that I can do ‘cause I’ve never seen myself as a teacher. I know there’s more that I can do so I have to do more research on it. My happy plan: work on opening a bakery.”

If you could give your younger siblings some advice before entering college, what would it be?

“One of the things I would say is to stay on top of their junk. Some of my friends I’ve talked to are so dependent on their parents or on other people at the school that they don’t do enough to check on themselves. I don’t understand how you go to college and not understand what’s going on with your financial aid and then are surprised something is going on. You have to stay on top of the people who are supposed to have your business in check. Instead of being blindsided and then you talk to someone they’re not going to do as much to help you when you don’t do enough to know what’s going on with your own situation.”

What are the things that make you feel the best about the future?

“Probably my support system. I have my mother and let me tell you she is awesome! (She enjoyed that little joke immensely) My mom, my best friend from middle school, my boyfriend, professors who I’m close with, clubs that I’m in and my roommate from last year, Rachel, she’s awesome.”

What are your major fears as it relates to your future job prospects?

“I guess that I’ll just give up and be so discouraged and be in a rut. I’m not naive enough to think that as soon as I get out of school there’s going to be a job there. I’m nervous about that process, I don’t want to get so discouraged that I want to give up and not try or anything. I’m nervous that I won’t be as successful as I want to be when I first start out.”

Tell us about something important you want to do in your life?

“I’d like to get married and have children … have a family. I feel like getting a job is important, but I feel like I’m a family person. I feel like I’m supposed to be a pediatrician, but that I should have somebody of my own to take care. I think it’s important to have a family.”

If you could set a Guinness World Record at something, what would it be?

“The most cupcakes ever made or the biggest cupcake or biggest cake or something like that. It’d be awesome.”

Would you rather be a leader, a follower or just get the heck out of the way?

“I’d rather get out of the way. I’d rather be an observer. I’ve never been a follower, but I’ve always wanted to do the opposite. Sometimes I get chosen to be the leader and I don’t mind. There’s a part of me that wants to be a leader, but it really depends on what it is. Fundraising, scholarships or service projects ‘cause that’s stuff I really like to do. Overall I would rather observe.”

What’s the one tech gadget you just can’t do without?

“It’s probably my phone just because if I’m having a bad day I can someone to call. I feel empty without my phone.”

There’s a new CampusTalkBlog contributor who is an expert in relationships, if you could ask her your toughest question, what would it be?

“Do I have to always be the bigger person in any relationship? How often should you be the bigger person? ‘cause sometimes I just don’t’ want to be.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54EjjJJj-BI

Fast facts about Amber

• Favorite color: Pink
• Favorite gem: Amber
• Birth month: June
• Favorite pastime: Baking
• Major: Chemistry
• Favorite food(s): Pancakes and eggs
• Favorite thing about college: Opportunity

There ya have it. The thoughts of my college student.

First-time college mom
Petula
PetulaW.com

Do I really have to explain this picture? Again?

As a parent, I realize that assisting my student with succeeding in college includes more than just financial and scholastic support; it’s also about mental and physical well being. When I received a book for review consideration about relieving back pain, I knew that it would be something to share with Campus Talk Blog readers.

Most of us spend an uncountable number of hours bent over computers, cell phones, desks, books and the like, which often causes neck and back strain. When your “job” is studying and going to class that description definitely fits students. Author Esther Gokhale says there’s a method that relieves all of that pain and has revealed how to do it in “8 Steps to a Pain-Free Back.”

Gokhale developed an anthropological-based method for pain based on her observations of individuals with lower back pain. This method teaches how to sit, bend and lay in the manner of those with low incidences of back pain: our ancestors and individuals in other cultures.

Honestly, I was a bit skeptical when I received the book, but – as a person who suffers from back pain as well as neck strain – I was more than willing to give it a try. The first thing that caught my attention, and intrigued me, about the book was the references, pictures and examples of actual people with the correct posture and stance as opposed to those with the incorrect posture and stance. Gokhale quickly explains and illustrates how we are made and how that can help, not hinder, our control and healing of our posture. She writes, “If we respect our natural design, our bodies heal spontaneously, and we can function well for close to a century. Indeed, there are many populations where most people live painlessly into old age.”

The photographs she uses show an older woman bending to gather water chestnuts and an older man bending to mold clay bricks. Neither individual, both from different cultures, experiences any negative physical impact and they have been doing that type of hard labor most of their lives. She counters this by showing how we have, in our culture, taken on a slouchy posture.

Gokhale’s method is not a quick and easy fix. It is an adjustment and explains exercises meant to correct and bring awareness over time. Here is a quick overview of eight lessons comprising her method:

1. Stretchsitting – it’s learning to put your back into gentle traction when seated. It teaches how to sit comfortably and undoes some of the damage caused by years of hunching or swaying (arching the back).
2. Stretchlying on back – In lesson two you learn the technique of stretchlying to elongate the spine when lying on your back, which puts the spine in gentle traction.
3. Stacksitting – This lesson teaches the art and science of sitting, and incorporates a key concept
4. Stretchlying on side – This lesson teaches a healthy, restful and therapeutic sleep position as opposed to sleeping on one’s side, which curls the spine into a “C” shape compressing the anterior part of the discs.
5. Using inner corset – This involves using your muscles to protect and lengthen the spine. This powerful technique can give you additional length by contracting specific muscles in the abdomen and back to make an inner corset.
6. Tallstanding – Learning to tallstand will enable you to stand for longer periods without discomfort or fidgeting. This is achieved by aligning hips over heels with the knees and the groin area remaining soft.
7. Hip-hinging – The simplistic explanation of this is “hinging at the hips to bend.” Gokhale says, “People who bend well usually enjoy good back health.” Successful bending involves a healthy baseline back contour, which will have been achieved by following the other lessons.
8. Glidewalking – Glidewalking strengthens butt muscles, which in turn support pelvic anteversion, and they play a key role in balance.

A good posture, which is contrary to popular belief, is relaxed, Gokhale teaches. In her book she shows readers, through lots of illustrations, pictures and examples, how to achieve proper positioning to eliminate back pain. I am just delving into the third lesson and I’m already a 100 percent convert of her method. The bit I’ve learned thus far, which I have to continually remind myself to be aware of, has already made a difference in my neck and back pain. That is, when I make use of it, of course. I’m already aware of when I’m positioned incorrectly because I can feel the strain on my back. Over time, and with dedication, I’m looking forward to being pain-free. Gokhale admits that this isn’t a quick-fix method, but a change of lifestyle habit that once learned and incorporated will become a natural part of everyday life/posture.

We take a lot of time reading, studying, typing, texting, tweeting and everything in between, let’s all take a moment to study the “8 Steps to a Pain-Free Back.” It could be the difference between life and death… uh, I mean, pain and pain free.

NOTE: This post is in no way comprehensive of the method and should not be used as a replacement to Gokhale’s book. It is simply informative and should you wish further information on the method and the eight steps, purchase of the book is suggested.

Petula
First-time college mom
PetulaW.com

See larger image 8 Steps to a Pain-Free Back: Natural Posture Solutions for Pain in the Back, Neck, Shoulder, Hip, Knee, and Foot (Paperback) By (author) Esther Gokhale List Price: $24.95 USD New From: $15.00 In Stock Used from: $12.18 In Stock

I choose nurturing. Relationships – regardless of whether it’s romantic, parent/child or professional – take more than a little effort and work. It’s better to do the work upfront than to wonder later on what happened to the bond. There are a few simple things you can do to maintain your parental bond, and any family bonds, with your college student.

1. Keep in contact via text, email, Facebook, Twitter or even a blog. I know some parents are adverse to text messaging, but if your child is into it then make an effort. My Georgia College & State University student, Amber, is a text queen. It doesn’t interrupt either of our days, or her classes to send a quick text with a question or to say hello and let her know I’m thinking of her. Same for email, Facebook and Twitter. I don’t have a child who wants me to stay out of her social media world so we communicate via Facebook and email occasionally. It’s quick, easy and effective. Amber, for her part, sometimes keeps up with what’s going on at home by reading my blog. She can do that when she has time and feels like it, and it saves her from my long, drawn out stories. Well, mostly.
2. Send care packages, inexpensive surprise gifts and cards. Amber loves to receive mail and she appreciates the little things. I send her little packages containing items that she likes: gum, Chapstick, fingernail polish, chocolate and the like. Or I mail a little gift and/or card to let her know I’m here if she needs me or simply to encourage her. Sometimes college teens feel like their “at home” family has forgotten about them and they don’t belong any longer. This lets them know that they’re thought of often and cared about a great deal.
3. Schedule a regular phone call. This is especially important if there are younger siblings or if your newly independent young adult was a little apprehensive about leaving home. Amber’s youngest sibling is 3 years old and her sense of time is not quite on point so she asks for Amber quite often: “Is she coming back?” “Is she still at college?” Having Amber speak to her siblings over the phone maintains their bond and connection. On the other hand, Amber knows she can call at anytime if she needs something or just wants to talk. For instance, she called yesterday to vent about a girl in one of her classes. It’s those brief conversations – even in the midst of busy days and classes – that continue to strengthen our relationship.
4. Plan weekend or overnight visits, day trips or meet ups. For some this may seem unrealistic or not doable, but you have to think outside the box. Even if your student attends college out of state, you can schedule a family vacation around the time of family fun day on campus or have a long weekend away to focus on something the college student wants to do. If your student lives in a suite instead of a regular dorm room having a “slumber” party is a good idea. (More information about this below.) If your child has a car you can plan to meet at a halfway point for lunch or a day of shopping.

One weekend in September my three younger children – ages 3, 5 and 6 – and I spent the night with Amber in her dorm. Let me tell you how that came about: A few times last year, when Amber was a freshman, she suggested we visit and spend the day or a night. I never got up the energy to do that with the three younger children, but about two weeks ago I thought it would be a good idea. She agreed and I made the two-hour drive, trio in tow, to her campus. Amber lives in a suite with three other roommates that are often gone during the weekends so accommodations and space weren’t a problem.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-CrsshtOYk

Although it was a lot of work to pack up the little people for an overnight trip, it was well worth it. All of the siblings got a chance to spend time together, Amber was able to get some errands done and go to stores she can’t go to on a regular basis, and the two of us had a chance to chat, “play” pool (you really can’t call what we did playing the game!), go for a walk and generally enjoy each others’ company.

A few things to keep in mind when scheduling overnight stays in the dorm:

1. Have your student check dorm and campus policies as well as talk to roommates.
2. Double check when parking passes are needed.
3. Do it at a time that’s convenient for both parties.
4. Have fun.
5. Don’t delay, plan today.

If you have any ideas on how to maintain parental and sibling bonds with your college student, take a moment to leave a comment and share. Don’t have any ideas? Take a moment to tell me what you think of this post. And, don’t forget, every relationship needs to be nurtured.

First-time college mom
Petula
PetulaW.com

Here’s a book I recommend that will help you to not take the bonding and staying connected thing too far: The iConnected Parent: Staying Close to Your Kids in College (and Beyond) While Letting Them Grow Up by Barbara K. Hofer and Abigail Sullivan Moore.

“…many parents are in constant contact with their college students via cell phone, texting, email, Facebook, and Skype. But daily contact, they contend, hinders growth, robs kids of their ability to make decisions and learn from mistakes, and detracts from their college experience. The authors also discovered that parents have become increasingly involved in academic matters; many edit their children’s papers via email, and intervene in academic decisions such as choosing majors or contacting professors. This “hypermanaging” trend often continues after college and into a career search. Urging moderation, Hofer and Moore point out that excessive communication is not useful for students, and also adds to parental anxiety. Instead, they suggest that before their child leaves for school, parents create a mutually agreeable “calling plan” that takes the student’s need for independence and self-reliance into account.” – Publisher’s Weekly

See larger image The iConnected Parent: Staying Close to Your Kids in College (and Beyond) While Letting Them Grow Up (Hardcover) By (author) Barbara K. Hofer, Abigail Sullivan Moore List Price: $25.00 USD New From: $0.01 In Stock Used from: $0.01 In Stock Release date August 10, 2010.

It’s that time of year again where college students are returning to their campuses. Some, like my daughter who returned to Georgia College and State University, are happy to return and excited to get started on another year. And others aren’t quite as thrilled. Regardless of the emotions surrounding moving back to campus, there’s one thing everyone has to do: Pack and move.

Here are a few tips to keep in mind – for parents and students – as you’re making the transition:

1. Check your financial status online before making the journey. Believe it or not, quite a few students get to the point of checking into their dorm only to discover that they haven’t been assigned due to an outstanding problem on their account. Sometimes this is a school error, but regardless of who’s at fault it still may mean temporary housing or returning home both of which are inconvenient.
2. Be sure to have filled out all the forms that need to be done before you get in the checkout line. There’s nothing worse than checking in and finding out you forgot a form or didn’t do everything. When you do that you hold up the line, frustrate everyone involved and add tension to an already busy and full day.
3. Double check the packing list that schools supply on their site and in the move-in packet they mail. Even for returning students it’s possible to forget something.
4. Sort of part two to the above tip: Discuss big items or decorations with roommates. Amber and her roommates last year did a great job of coordinating decorations and deciding on who’s bringing what.
5. At least a month before move-in day: Get to know the roommates. This is for the students (sorry helicopter parents!). Chat on Facebook or Twitter and get to know a little bit about each other. Starting school for the first time and even returning can be nerve wracking. Having friendships already established can make the transition a bit easier.

On move-in day:

1. Check the weather report. Flip flops may not be the ideal moving shoe in the rain and a laundry basket of clothes will be soaked if left sitting in the parking lot, i.e., wear the appropriate shoe and be sure to have a tarp or large plastic to cover items as you’re moving them.
2. Dress comfortably. If you’re jeans are too tight are you going to be annoyed when you have to keep bending down to pick up boxes and bags? If you wear white jeans do you really think you’re going to want to help in the moving process?
3. Plan to eat and drink. If it’s lunch time stop and get something to eat or send someone to get food for everyone. Nothing can make a difficult day worse than a bunch of tired, sweaty AND hungry folks.
4. Pack wisely. Don’t be tempted to just throw loose things into the car or van. You’ll discover when you get to the dorm and have to walk down three halls to the elevator dismount and walk two more halls that tired arms don’t hold a multitude of items very well.
5. Pack lightly. Even if you’re carrying a lot of books like some returning students and avid readers do, try not to put them all in the same bin or box. (Nix this if you have a hand truck or two big strong guys.)

These are just a few things to keep in mind on moving day. Oh, one last tip: Make it pleasant. If both you and your student enjoy the events of the day it can be one of the most memorable experiences you have of sending your child off to college.

Petula
First-time College Mom
PetulaW.com

The reality was that as soon as school was over – and even before – I would be working my little fingers to the bone. For today’s student that’s often the same reality. Although there’s nothing wrong with taking a little vacation, I think it’s a good idea that students make use of their time in one of several ways:

• by participating in an internship that will benefit their future career and maybe pay some cash,
• by getting a part- or full-time job to gain some experience – and again, maybe some cash,
• or by enrolling in one or two classes to stay ahead in the educational game.

Fortunately for me, my oldest daughter Amber took it upon herself to enroll in two math classes at a college close to home. She discussed options with her advisor and took into consideration how her grades and schedule were going thus far and made the decision on her own. I’m definitely proud of her.

She’d also like to get a job and I’m all for that as well. Currently, Miss Amber is without a vehicle and getting a job and saving a portion of her checks would definitely support her in making her own wishes come true.

Why is all of this important? As a parent it is important to me that my daughter realize that she’s an adult and that the time for simply ‘going out to play’ is pretty much over – so to speak. On her track to be a pediatrician I’m encouraging her to continue to put her priorities in the right order and work hard, long and steady to accomplish her goals.

It’s the way life is, and it’s the path we – as parents, mentors and leaders – should provide and promote for our children.

Petula
First-time college mom

I believe that in order to have any measure of success one of the things that should to be in order is your emotional state and, oftentimes, that state isn’t given as much attention as other areas. For instance, individuals spend a lot of time and attention on their physical appearance, on their intellect and other areas, but ignore what’s happening within their head and heart.

Why am I talking about this? Because ensuring that our college students are straight emotionally plays a huge part in their academic success – and eventually their career and life success.

Let’s set up a scenario: There’s a young college female who’s in the first semester of her second year of college life. Over the summer she experienced a medical emergency, her parents are going through a divorce and she broke up with her boyfriend of two years. How hard do you think it is for her to focus on her assignments? If you think it shouldn’t be a problem then you may need a little emotional help yourself (Yes, I said it and thought it was funny).

Millicent is an accelerated learning specialist, and one of the top PhotoReading Instructors in the world. She recently submitted the post, “The Heart is Wiser Than the Head” here on CampusTalkBlog, where she talks about a study that discovered the link between your emotional state and the brain’s ability to learn. She says, “Your cognitive ability or higher order thinking centers can’t be activated if you are dealing with drama.”

Whatever our students are dealing with we have to make a way for it to be okay. When I say “we” I mean the parents, the school, etc. If we want them to succeed then we have to help them heal emotionally.

As parents, administrators, educators, advisors and folks in students affairs we should do all we can and provide all the resources necessary to place students well on the road to being emotionally healthy young adults. Reminder: They will be running our world one day. I’m just saying.

Petula
First-time college mom

Georgia College and State University students had their break this past week. About halfway through the week, after realizing my daughter wasn’t having a Spring Break to remember, I asked her, “Does your school arrange or sponsor any Spring Break events?”

She initially shook her head no then admitted, “Actually I don’t know.”

For parents reading this you know that I got that look on my face that says, ‘Ooooh okey dokey then.’ And I left it at that deciding to do a little research on my own. Here’s what I found out they had information on right on her campus:

• Spring Break in Port St. Joe, Florida – The document describes the experience as spending “an amazing spring break on the sunny Gulf Coast with Venture Out in Port St. Joe, Florida. Get ready for 5 fun days of camping, sea kayaking, snorkeling, and just handing out on the beach.” Now that sounds like fun to me and the cost was just $175.
• Alternative Spring Break – The American Democracy Project sponsored their annual What A Relief project where they send a delegation of students, faculty and staff to the U.S’s southeastern regions to rehabilitate homes damaged by tropical storms and hurricanes. This one sounds fun and meaningful.

I didn’t seek out anymore information because this answered my question. Yes, campuses – and GCSU in particular) are supporting their students outside of their everyday educational growth. So how did my college student miss this information? That led me to look at some ideas on how the advertisements and messages can get across the entire campus for events/activities of this nature.

1. Email or text announcements to students to personally invite and inform them to special Spring Break learning adventures or community service opportunities.
2. Ensure off-campus housing units and commuter students are receiving the same information as on-campus dorms.
3. Bring someone like Dave Kelly, Troy Stende or Earl Paul to teach the students about stepping forward, discovering information and leading others to it.

Here’s my admission: The first two “ideas” my research discovered may be a far reach for some students. It’s just in my nature to offer something a little out there to get ya to thinkin’. The key here is to give students the skills to not be complacent and then sit back complaining about how their Spring break was boring.

So, what other things can students do to make their spring break more of an adventure and maybe enhance your education and help out the community at the same time? That’s a question for Dave (You’re going to answer in the comments, right Dave?)… How about the rest of you? Any good ideas?

All I know right now is that I’m not going to be a helicopter parent and tell my young adult college student everything to do. She’ll have to do some stepping up on her own to make things happen. That’s my reason and I’m sticking to it.

Petula
First-time college mom
PetulaW.com

The student who initiated the dance at GCSU later discovered that there is a contest that allows the cancer fundraising teams to film their own videos that may appear as a Weekly Featured Video on the Purple Glove dance site. (See GCSU video below) Rumor has it that the GCSU video has been featured there… It may still be up there!

Each video, which is backed by a Relay For Life team, has the chance to win at least $5,000 for the American Cancer Society by being the one with the most YouTube video views by midnight on July 31st. As of the writing of this post, the GCSU YouTube video has been viewed 19, 395 times.

This type of participation by college students is just one of the many ways to get involved in community events, and it is great experience and resume-building material. If you don’t believe me just check out Dave Kelly’s “Building Leaders Through Community Service” post series. Kelly gives the ins and outs of why you should participate in community service and how to become involved.

At GCSU students can become involved with the GIVE Center, which I’m proud to say Amber has joined. The center gives students as well as faculty and staff the opportunity to make a difference by linking them with the community. In addition to health-related causes there are opportunities in the areas of children and youth, disabilities, elderly, education and literacy, female issues and quite a few more.

Don’t forget to check out GCSU’s YouTube video or the one from your school. If one hasn’t been done yet then this would be a superb opportunity to take the lead and get one started. Come on, let’s dance.

Note: The idea for the Purple Glove Dance was started by the Providence St. Vincent Medical staff in Portland, Oregon. They filmed themselves dancing around the hospital in pink gloves to support breast cancer awareness and the concept breached other causes.

Petula
First-time college mom

http://www.PetulaW.com