In Star Wars, Luke’s ship just sank into the swamp . Yoda tells him he could raise it out using the Force. Luke looks very doubtful and says, “I’ll try.” Yoda says, “Do or do not, there is no try.” And, of course, Luke is unsuccessful. Luke didn’t get how powerful that work can be.

Occasionally, when I’m facilitating a collegiate leadership retreat, a student will be on the verge of a major personal breakthrough and they might say…“I’ll TRY to take action when I’m afraid… I’ll TRY to stand up for what I believe in… I’ll TRY to have more confidence in myself.”

I’ll coach them on the word “try” and tell them to replace it and speak again. “I WILL take action when I’m afraid.. I AM going to stand up for what I believe in… I HAVE more confidence in myself.”

Can you feel the difference? The language we use has a powerful impact. It’s exciting to see the shift in the person when they take out “try.” Their whole body shifts and confidence exudes.

To coach the participants I’ll take a marker and ask them to “try and take this from me.” They’ll reach over and take the marker from my hand. I’ll shake my head, take the marker back, and say, “No, you took it from me. Now TRY and take it from me.” They’ll take it from me again and I’ll shake my head again and take it back and say, “No, you took it from me. Try and take it from me.”

This will go on and on until they finally get it and just grab the marker without actually taking if from me. Try implies that you put forth effort but will be unsuccessful. Your words help create your reality. Choose wisely.

Are you up for the challenge of eliminating, “try” from your language? And don’t tell me you’ll try!!!

The other day, my 5 year old was having a hard time tying his shoe. He said, “I can’t do this, Dad!” With a smile I reminded him we don’t say, “I can’t.” Instead we say, “Help please.”

“Can’t” is a word that takes all your power away. It leaves you with no options and feeling defeated. If you must say “can’t” then add the word, “I can’t, yet” There’s hope in that; things can change and you can and will do it eventually.

Here’s a phrase I don’t allow myself to say; “I can’t afford it.” Again, it takes my power away and leaves me feeling hopeless. I feel defeated and my life revolves around scarcity and lack. I simply change that thought into, “I choose not to spend my money on that right now.” This still lets me feel a sense of abundance. As if I could buy that (or anything I want) if I really wanted to but I have different priorities at this moment. Whether it’s true or not, I feel more empowered.

Are you up for the challenge of eliminating, “I can’t” from your language? And don’t tell me you can’t!

In my years of speaking at leadership conferences around the country, I’ve seen many different ways to create high attendance and many ways to crash and burn. Recently, I spoke at Georgian College in Barrie, Ontario, Canada. They used one of my favorite models for getting attendance and student buy in… the Nomination model. Here’s how it works.

Faculty or staff nominate students who they think are up-and-coming leaders, students who are showing promise/potential. These students aren’t necessarily involved in anything yet. Think more like emerging leader.

For this model, have the faculty/staff do one of two things:

1. Write a letter saying why the student should be allowed to go to the conference.
2. An easier way, but less special, is to have the nominator just submit a name.

Either way, the students feel honored to have been nominated. They have been singled out for doing something good or showing potential, rather than for something negative. This increases the likelihood the student will attend and be excited/honored to participate. And in the end I believe it will boost their self-confidence and get them involved on campus. With one easy to implement model, you’ll also increase your student leader base for the future; and that is a big deal!

Do you have any other ideas? Any other ways to expand on this concept? Let me know with your comments below.

Troy

So there I was; on the rings at a Division 1 NCAA gymnastics meet, in the middle of a great routine…and it happened. While doing a press to handstand, I farted! In front of what felt like millions of people- even though there was just a couple hundred. How embarrassing! So what do you do in that moment? Do I run into the locker room and never come out in public again? Do I quit gymnastics so I won’t be in that situation again? Or do I acknowledge what happened and continue on?

We’ve all been in embarrassing situations and it’s definitely not a fun place to be – that’s why it’s embarrassing. When I was up in the handstand and I farted and everyone was laughing at me, I had to make a choice – how am I going to react? In our everyday lives, things happen to us all the time. More often than not, we don’t have any control over what happens to us. But, the one thing that we can control, for the rest of our life, is how we react to things that happen to us. We have the power to choose our reaction, to choose how we respond. In other words, we have respond-ability.

I have a trick question for you – can somebody make you upset? Now think about this before you answer. Can others really make you upset? I would say that no one can make you upset…and no one can make you happy. Do we have friends that can push our buttons? I’m sure we all do. But, we don’t have to let their button-pushing upset us. They keep doing what they do because they know how we will react to them.

Check this out: you’re driving in your car, and you stop at a stoplight. Suddenly, from out of nowhere, someone smashes into the rear of your car. Might you be upset by that? You bet! There are many people who would be upset by that. But, are there people out there who might be happy about this? Sure! Maybe they are excited about cashing in on their insurance policy. Or, maybe their car was a piece of junk anyway, and they’re happy to be rid of it. Or, the person who hit them is very attractive, and they just might get a date out of it.

The point is that the same situation can happen to two different people and they can have two different reactions. Is it safe to say then that we don’t have to react the same way as everyone else? This being true, what we learn here is that the situation does not control us, but rather we control our reaction to any given situation.

This isn’t an easy thing to do, but it is simple. When you remember, in the moment, that you can control your reaction, you gain more control of your life. And that is a powerful place to live from.

Oh, you might be wondering what happened after I farted on the rings. I actually starting laughing so hard I almost fell off. That definitely didn’t help the score but I laughed with the audience instead of feeling ridiculed. In the end I managed to pull myself together, finish strong, and salute the judges with confidence…and a huge smile on everyone’s faces.

This is another icebreaker in the “Sure-Fire Icebreaker” series. Below is a full script of an amazing icebreaker. I created such an extensive description because I’ve found that it can be difficult to do a great icebreaker from a three-sentence description. Being a professional speaker and student leader trainer, I’m on college campuses often doing leadership retreats and orientations. Over the past decade, working with tens of thousands of students, I’ve learned the hard way what works and what doesn’t. Most icebreakers flop because the students don’t fully understand the directions or they feel corny or awkward doing it. It ends up being a lot of work and not a lot of play. Follow my script and you can skip the learning curve and move right into awesomeness!

This is a very low risk, low gradient activity that is a lot of fun. I like to have at least 10 people to start. After that it works with any size group you have room for. I’ve done it with 1000 students before. This also works with groups who’ve never meet before and groups who are very close to each other. Have fun!

“How many of you know how to play rock-paper-scissors? Let’s review. Rock beats…scissors.”

I review because 100% of the time I say, rock beats…1/2 of the people say scissors and the other 1/2 say paper. It makes me laugh every time.

“That’s why we review. Scissor beats…paper. Paper beats…rock. There’s no dynamite or nuclear bombs or hand grenades. Just rock, paper and scissors.”

“Here’s how it works. My I get a volunteer please? What’s your name? John. Give John a big round of applause. The object of this activity* is to go from a 1 to a 5.”

I hold up one finger and then five to demonstrate…

“Here’s how it works. Everyone will start as a 1. Let’s say I’m a 1. I hold up my finger and look for someone else who has a 1 up. I introduce myself.”

While shaking hands I say…

“Hi, I’m Troy…Hi, I’m John. You don’t need to tell them your lives’ story. Just introduce yourself. Then you have a duel. Feel free to get intense, maybe do a little sumo thing.”

I get down into a sumo stance and have my partner do the same if they’re comfortable. Everyone usually laughs at that.

“When we have our face-off it will look like this- we say, rock, paper, scissors, shoot.”

On ‘shoot’ you show your rock, paper, or scissors.

“It’s not, rock, paper shoot. It’s, rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Not, one, two, shoot. It’s, one, two, three, shoot. Got it? That’s very important. Okay John, here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.”

Let’s say John wins.

“Nice John. Since John won, he goes from a 1 to a 2. Since I didn’t win, I stay at a 1.”

Hold up your fingers to demonstrate. This type of modeling helps cement the learning.

“Okay, let’s say I’m at a 3. I walk around holding up three fingers and look for someone else who is holding up three fingers.”

Of course, I demonstrate this. And I look to John and hint for him to put up three fingers.

“Introduce yourself…Hi, I’m Troy. Hi, I’m John. Nice to meet you. And then have a face-off.”

I get into the sumo position again- just for fun.

“Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!”

Let’s pretend I won.

“Oh, I got you John. Since I won, I go from a 3 to a…4. Since John didn’t win, he goes from a 3 to a…2. Right, he goes down one. But you don’t go below a 1. 1 is the lowest number. Excellent. Thank you John. Let’s give John a big thank you for volunteering.

“Remember, the object is to go from a 1 to a 5. If you’re so fortunate as to get to 5, then you come up to this area of the room. You could even come up on stage.”

I like to have all the 5s come to the general area in which I’m setting up the activity. Going up on stage is even better if that’s possible.

“And you hang out with all the other fives and just be cool. You can walk around all cool like. And give high-fives to all the other 5.”

“What questions do you have?”

“Alright, let’s get to it. Everyone hold up one finger. Find someone else with a one up in the air, and begin!”

Playing music is a nice touch here.

When everyone starts playing I’ll usually join in with them for the first couple minutes. Then I’ll head over to where the 5s will be going. I like to get there before any 5s arrive. I go there to greet them with a high-five, big smile and a wahoo! My goal is to keep the energy up and encourage them to welcome the new 5s with a big high-five.

When I notice that just a little less than 1/2 of the group has made it to a 5, I stop the activity. I shut the music off and say…

“Freeze where you are. Hold up the number of fingers you are at right now.”

It may take a little bit longer than normal to quiet everyone down because some people have to finish the round they just started. It’s okay. Be patient.

“If you are at a 3, let me hear you! If you are a 4 let me hear you! If you are a 5! If you are a 2! If you are a 1! Raise your hand if you did not get past a 3? Did anyone not get past a 2? Is it possible that someone didn’t get past a 1?! Amazing! Let’s give them a big hand because that takes talent!”

If no one raises their hand for not getting past a 1 then I say…)

“I didn’t think so. If you didn’t get past a 2, raise your hand again. Let’s give them a big hand because that’s a very difficult thing to do. They’ve got skills!”

There is another version you can do that is much higher gradient. Instead of going from 1 to 5, they act out different things. For example, instead of a 1 they would be an egg. They squat down a bit and waddle around and look for another person who is looking like an egg. The winner goes from an egg to a chicken. They tuck their arms under and flap away while making chicken sounds. Do you see what I mean by higher gradient? This can be quite scary for some people to role-play like this. Only do this with a group that is ready. If they aren’t, you’ll have people walking out of the room or resentful they have to play this “cheesy” kid game. But if they’re ready they will have a blast and become even closer as a group.

Here’s the progression I usually use: Egg…chicken…dinosaur…Elvis…graduating senior.

It helps to have a motion and a sound for each [I’m open to suggestions for a sound for the egg].

Feel free to make up your own progression. Maybe figure out a way to use your school mascot. Have fun, be creative .

*When I do this with groups who aren’t necessarily there for icebreakers I like to call it an activity instead of an icebreaker or game . Some people don’t like icebreakers or games, but if it’s just an activity, then they may be able to buy into it easier. I know it is a little detail but it could make all the difference with some groups.

One dark evening in a train depot, a hobo was looking for a place to sleep. As he was searching, he noticed in the distance a boxcar with its door slightly open. He went over to it and squeezed himself inside the door. The moment that he got inside, the door slammed shut behind him. He turned to open it but it was stuck; it wouldn’t budge no matter how hard he pulled. He looked around the rest of the car and could find no other way out, just cold solid walls. All at once, he realized something terrible; he was trapped in a freezer car.

Immediately, he felt the intense cold penetrating into his bones, and his body began to shiver. The hobo started to panic. He raced back to the door, trying to rip the handle off. He pounded on the door with his fists, screaming for help as loudly as he could. The hobo went on like this for hours. Finally, his voice and energy spent, he gave up.

The poor hobo quickly resigned himself to his fate; he knew that there was no way out of the car. No one had heard his frantic pounding, and no one was going to help him to escape this freezer. He pulled his meager little jacket close around him, curled himself into a tight little ball, and began to weep softly, knowing in his heart that he would not survive the night.

Sure enough, that night the hobo died.

Two days later, the police found his body in the freezer car, and sent it to the morgue to be autopsied. What they discovered is that the hobo did indeed freeze to death; he died of hypothermia. But the police were baffled: that freezer car had been abandoned and out of commission for over two years. The night the hobo died, it was 70 degrees Fahrenheit inside the car. He believed so strongly that he was freezing that his mind convinced his body to drop its core temperature below 86 degrees, turning himself into a “metabolic icebox.”

Now, I can just imagine what some of you are thinking. Believe me, I thought it myself the first time I heard that story. That’s crazy, you may be saying. No one freezes to death at 70 degrees. It’s impossible! No more impossible than some of the other crazy and amazing things that your brain can make your body do.

In a fascinating book called, “Your Body Believes Every Word You Say”, author Barbara Hoberman Levine tells about “seedthoughts” which affect you physically. “Seedthoughts” come from your core beliefs, your basic assumptions about life. She says that a seedthought is “an idea planted through the mind that grows into manifestation in the body.”

In the hobo’s case, his seedthought was the belief that if you are trapped in a freezer car, you are going to freeze to death.

Your mind is very powerful. Your thoughts and beliefs create your reality. If you are conscious of your thoughts you will be able to consciously, purposely create and guide your reality.

Think about it…

Troy

See larger image Your Body Believes Every Word You Say: The Language of the Bodymind Connection, Revised and Expanded Edition (Paperback) By (author) Barbara Hoberman Levine List Price: $17.95 USD New From: $5.98 In Stock Used from: $5.63 In Stock

This is another icebreaker in the “Sure-Fire Icebreaker” series. Below is a full script of an amazing icebreaker. I created such an extensive description because I’ve found that it can be difficult to do a great icebreaker from a three-sentence description. Being a professional speaker and student leadership trainer, I’m on college campuses and at leadership retreats and orientations a lot. Over the past decade, working with tens of thousands of students, I’ve learned the hard way what works and what doesn’t. Most icebreakers flop because the students don’t fully understand the directions or they feel corny or awkward doing it. It ends up being a lot of work and not a lot of play. Follow my script and you can skip the learning curve I had to take and move right into awesomeness!

This is one of my favorite icebreakers. It’s gone over well with every group I’ve worked with. It’s a low gradient activity so it can be done with a group of complete strangers. That also lessens the odds anyone one will feel awkward or think the activity is “cheesy”. What’s also nice is that even though this is an icebreaker, people seem to easily create a lasting and memorable connection with four different people. More than once I’ve come back to a campus and an orientation leader thanked me for this activity because four years later they are still close friends with one of their partners! And it only takes about 15 minutes. Follow this script with a brief pause between each question and you can’t go wrong:

In a moment you’ll find a partner. Someone you don’t know. When you get with this partner, find out at least 3 things you have in common. And go beyond something like, “You’re a student here, so am I!” See how random you can get. Ready, GO!

• Look at your partner. Know them, memorize them, you will come back to this person. They are your high five partner. Give them a high five and say, “see you later!”
• On three, shout your partner’s name as loud as you can. If you don’t know it, find out what it is now. If you can’t pronounce it, just say “blah blah blah” One, two, three! Nice to meet you all.
• Please pause. This partner you are with right now is officially your high five partner. Go ahead and give them a high five.
• What were some random things you found in common with your partner? (This is optional if I feel I have enough time)

What I like about shouting the partner’s name is it helps them remember names. By the time they get to the last partner, you won’t have to give them time to find out the name because they will have already anticipated it. Then quickly, on to the next round…

• In a moment you’re going to find your 2nd of 4 partners. Again, someone you don’t know so well. When you find this partner, find out 3 things that you have in common. Ready, GO!
• Please pause. This partner you are with right now is officially your low five partner. Go ahead and give them a low five.
• On three, shout your partner’s name as loud as you can. If you don’t know it, find out what it is. One, two, three! That’s a beautiful name.
• Look at your partner. Know them, memorize them, You’ll come back to this partner. They are your low five partner. Give them a low five and say “see you later!”

As you’ll notice, each round is almost exactly the same. The beauty of this is they get accustomed to the routine and feel comfortable in knowing what to expect. That helps the focus stay on the people and not on the directions. I do make occasional changes- they are very important, SO PAY ATTENTION. Generally the changes are just to shorten things up because you don’t need as much explanation.

Move into the next round loudly and immediately after they give their partner a low five. You want to keep the energy up and the flow moving quickly.

• Find your 3rd partner and find out 3 things that you have in common! GO!
• Please pause. This partner you are with right now is officially your knee-to-knee partner. Give them some knee love. (Model this by pretending to touch your knee to someone else’s)
• Shout out your partner’s name as loud as you can. One, two, three! Nice, you are getting good at this!
• Look at your partner. Know them, memorize them, You’ll come back to this partner. They are your knee-to-knee partner. Give them some knee love and say “see you later!”

Then quickly to the fourth and final partner…

• Find your 4th and final partner and find out 3 things that you have in common! GO!
• Please pause. This partner you are with right now is officially your toe-to-toe partner. Give them some toe love. (Model this by pretending to touch someone’s toes with yours)
• Shout out your partner’s name as loud as you can. One, two, three!
• Look at your partner. Know them, memorize them, You’ll come back to this partner. They are your toe-to-toe partner. Give them some toe love and say “see you later!”

Now it’s time to pump up your energy and get people excited and cheering if they are up to it…

Are you ready for the next level?

As quickly as you can, when the music comes on and I say go, you’ll find your high five partner, give them a high five and celebrate with them. Ready, GO!

Make sure you are modeling a celebration with an imaginary partner. If you model high energy and playfulness it’s more likely they will follow suit.

Sometimes, to bring their focus back, I do a count down. I’ll say, “5…4…3…2…1.” I do this if the group is large because you’ll have many people standing with their partner waiting for what to do next. While a few others are still trying to find their partner. I usually don’t do this count down with a smaller group.

Did you find your low five partner?!

Now, when I say go, find your knee-to-knee partner, give them some knee love and celebrate! GO!

Did you find your knee-to-knee partner?!

Find your toe-to-toe partner and celebrate!

Did you find your toe-to-toe partner?!

Are you ready for the next level?!! Could it possibly get any better?

In a moment, when I say go and the music comes on, you’ll find your high five partner and give them a high five. Then immediately find your low five partner and give them a low five. But not yet! Stay focused here. Don’t look around yet.

Sometimes you have people start to look for their first partner. This helps keep their focus on you and hearing the directions)

After you find your low five partner, you’ll find your knee-to-knee partner, give them a little knee love and finally find your toe-to-toe partner and give them some toe love. After you find your last partner you will celebrate with them like you’ve never celebrated in public before. Keep it rated PG of course, but celebrate like crazy, jumping up and down, yelling and screaming.

Are you ready? GO!

Are you ready for the next level? Wait for cheering (MODEL this)

Right now go find your high five partner, give them a high five and stay connected up here [hold your hand up as if you’re holding someone’s hand above your head], do not disconnect from them. Go!

Now, without disconnecting with your high five partner, go connect with your low five partner. Go!

5…4…3…2…1 Did you connect with both your high five and low five partners?!

You know what’s coming next. But first, when the music comes on and I say go, you’ll connect with BOTH your knee-to-knee and toe-to-toe partners. Do the best you can. Stay safe. GO!

Let some time pass but not too much. Unless you have a smaller group, not everyone will be able to connect with all four partners. That’s okay. Make sure you end before people get too uncomfortable.

Okay, that’s enough. Let your hands come down. Give yourselves a big round of applause! Congratulate yourself for the biggest round of twister ever played!

Music is so important in this activity. The rule I use is when they’re moving, music’s playing. When I’m talking, music is stopped. Music is helpful on so many levels. It heightens the energy and excitement. It helps control their focus. They will know to focus back on you when they don’t hear any music so you won’t need to yell for them to be quiet and listen.

Troy Stende

During my keynotes and retreats on college campuses, I talk a lot about commitment. I even have an audience member break an arrow with their neck [without using their hands] as a demonstration of being truly committed.

I recently took on a big commitment. I started P90X. It’s an extreme home fitness video series that’s a 90-day commitment. My commitment to the program is tested daily because the workouts are so extreme and I push myself to the limit every time. When you add to the mix raising two boys, being a husband, running a business with traveling and speaking… that’s when it gets really challenging.

The other week I was on the road facilitating a leadership conference at Sonoma State University in northern California. I spoke all day, went to dinner, took a hike in the beautiful red woods of John Muir forest and then drove to my hotel in San Francisco. By this time it was 10:00 p.m. and I still hadn’t done my P90X workout video. I could have called it a night, but I had made a commitment. So I moved some tables and chairs around, fired it up and got extreme. Half way through the program I received a call from the hotel manager who asked, “Is everything alright up there?” The occupants in the room below me were complaining and I couldn’t blame them since they were hearing someone jumping up and down while grunting for 35 minutes. And, truthfully, it was a little late.

So I had a choice to make. The easy way out was to shut it down and go to bed, but I asked myself, “How committed are you, Troy?”

My answer was “100 percent,” of course. So I took my computer outside to the parking lot [good thing for batteries] and finished my workout in a parking spot. Afterward I felt great! No regrets.

Your commitments will be tested. If you’re 100 percent committed your choice will be easy. Well, maybe not easy… but the choice will be obvious.

Troy

Here’s the next edition in the Sure-Fire Icebreaker series. This is a quick icebreaker that is very low gradient and an easy way to meet a lot of people you don’t know and learn random information about them. As a bonus, I often use this icebreaker to get large groups into smaller groups in the last round.

Set up

Have them stand up and get into a large bunched up group.

“I’ll say a number and a category. I might say the number is 4, and the category is ‘people born in the same month as you.’ The music will come on and you will go find 3 other people to make a group of 4 who were born in the same month as you.”

You might get people starting to talk and look around for people born in their same month. If that happens I say;

“I might say that, but I’m not right now. But I might.”

“So, when the music comes on you might put two fingers in the air and start yelling, ‘February!’ if you were born in February.”

Make sure you model this by holding up your birthday number on your fingers and by saying it loud.

“When you find 3 other people to make a group of 4, stand in a circle and get to know as much about the other people as you can while the music is still going. Please remember that a group of 4 is 4, not 5, not 3, but 4.”

“What questions do you have?”

How long you let them look for their groups is important. You’ll need to find the balance between too much and too little time. You want them to be able to form some groups and get to know a little about the people in their groups. But you have to remember that some people aren’t going to be able to find a group so you need to end quick enough that they don’t start checking out or feeling awkward for not being in a group. This is a judgment call and you’ll just need to figure that out in the moment keeping in mind that that timing will vary depending on the group size and participants.

When I feel the time is right, I pause the music and get their focus back (refer to “Getting the focus back” for ideas on how to do that without yelling).

“If you are in a group of exactly four let me hear from you now (If the group is not comfortable with yelling yet then I might just have them raise their hands)! If you don’t have exactly four in your group, raise your hand. Everyone else look at them and say, ‘We still love you’”

I find that most any group I work with is fine with saying “We still love you.” However, I usually only do this after the first round. I don’t acknowledge the people who didn’t get into a group after that round. It just seems to flow better.

Often times I ask questions about the category we just did to have more fun and include people in other ways. If we did a category about the same number of brothers and sisters, after everyone is in the groups, I’ll ask who has the most brothers and sisters. They yell out loud how many they have. I usually say, “Wow, you’ve got your own committee.”

If I want people to get to know others in the group I add an additional category: “People you don’t know so well.” That way they’re not always in the same group with the people they are comfortable hanging out with.

To get into the next round I simply ask them to come closer to me or to come gather around. Sometimes people are hesitant to move closer so I say, “It’s okay to come closer. I showered a couple weeks ago, it should be fine.” Then I say the next number and category.

Some examples of groups I might form…

• Form a group of 5… The category: People who have the same number of brothers and sisters as you
• Form a group of 4… The category: People who have the same number of pets as you
• Form a group of 3… The category: Form yourself in the shape of the letter “H” [I usually need to repeat this two times so everyone understands]
• Form a group of 3… The category: People whose phone number has the same last digit.
• Form a group of as many as you can… The category: People who were born in the same month as you

Bonus

I often use this activity as a smooth way to get them into smaller groups. On the last round I’ll say:

“This last round is a little different. The number is 8 to 10. No less than 8, no more than 10. The categories are (with emphasis on the plural) people you don’t know so well- do the best you can- and forming yourself into a circle, linking elbows, jumping up and down. You only link elbows when you have exactly 8 or 9 or 10 people. Ready, GO!”

Once they start, it might take a little time for all the groups to form. People are usually very good at making it happen but you might need to jump in and help after awhile. While they are forming I like to have the groups that are jumping already turn in a circle as they are jumping…and then reverse directions. That amps up the fun factor and gives other groups more time to form.

When I’m doing large icebreakers at a college campus I usually have orientation leaders in the group too. I’ll change up what a say a little.

“This last round is a little different. First of all, just the orientation leaders, please move yourselves to the outside of the group and spread yourselves out to make a circle around the group. So, the number is 8 to 10. No less than 8, no more than 10. The categories are (with emphasis on the plural) you must have at least one orientation leader in your group. Form your groups with people you don’t know so well – do the best you can. When you have exactly 8 or 9 or 10 people and only 8, 9 or 10 people, get in a circle, linking elbows, jumping up and down. Ready, GO!”

This is great for orientation, leadership retreats, new students and returning students. What’s the point? Everyone has a blast! When a group has fun together, magic happens. And at the same time it creates connections and strengthens your campus community!

Troy

To start this icebreaker, split everyone into two groups. Have them form two lines facing each other in the center of the room with their team standing shoulder to shoulder.

Your instruction to the two teams goes as follows:

“Welcome to a new planet! On this world there are only three creatures and they are at WAR. Let me introduce the creatures. First, there is the giant. It looks and sounds like this, ‘ROAR!’ Do this with me, 1,2,3, ‘ROAR!’

“Then there’s the wizard. It looks and sounds like this, ‘SSSSS!’ Do this with me, 1,2,3, ‘SSSSS!’

“And finally, there are the elves. They look and sound like this, ‘WeWeWeWe!’ [done with a high pitch] Do this with me, 1,2,3, ‘WeWeWeWe!’

“These creatures are at war! Here’s how it works- it’s kind of like rock/paper/scissors. The giants, ‘ROAR!’ Do this with me giants, ‘ROAR!’ Beat the wizards, ‘SSSSS!’ Wizards, ‘SSSSS!’ beat the elves, ‘WeWeWeWe!’ And the elves, ‘WeWeWeWe!’ Beat the giants, ‘ROAR!’

“An easy way to remember this is the big [do the giant without the sound] beats the medium [do the wizard without the sound]. The medium [do the wizard without the sound] beats the small [do the elf without the sound]. And the small [do the elf without the sound] beats the big [do the giant without the sound]. See! Just like Rock/Paper/Scissors”

Now that everyone has the sounds and the rock/paper/scissors idea, you continue your instructions. Make sure you’ve already set up the safety zones behind each group with a marker to show where it is. Use a backpack or a chair or something to mark the zone. I usually place the zones about 10 feet behind each group.

“In a moment each team will go back to their safety zones, which are right here for this team, and right here for this team. (Point to show where the zones are marked) You’ll go back and huddle up and come up with the one creature your whole team will be. Everyone on your team will be the same creature. Then both teams will come up to the front line — to the battle zone — and one person will yell, ‘Are you Ready?!’ and everyone will scream, ‘Yes!!’ Then another person will yell, ‘3, 2, 1’ and both teams will show their creatures!

“So let’s say this team is the giants and this team is elves – who wins? Right! The elves. So the elves will chase the giants and attempt to tag them. The giants will run from the elves and try to get to their safety zone before they get tagged. If they make it to their safety zone first then nothing happens to them. But if they get tagged before they hit the safety zone then they get to be on the other team for the next round. Both teams go back to their safety zones to come up with the creature they will be for the next round.”

“What happens if there is a tie? Actually, what you will do when you are huddling with your team in the safety zone is come up with your plan AND your backup plan. They can be the same or different. If, when you are at the front line, both teams are giants, then you immediately go into your backup plan. You don’t stop and talk about it when you tie. You just go right into your back up plan. If you tie on both rounds that would be just ridiculous — like you’re psychically linked. Then you’ll just go back and come up with another plan and backup plan.”

Have everyone go back to their safety zones and come up with a plan and backup plan. After they come back to the front lines, quickly review which creatures beat which.

Before we start I pick out the volunteers who will be yelling “Are you ready,” and “3, 2, 1”. I like to do this to get more people involved. I’ll ask for 2 volunteers who have loud voices. Then I tell the first volunteer to yell as loud as they can, “Are you ready?!” after I point to them, and the second volunteer to will yell, “3, 2, 1!” right after everyone responds to the “Are you Ready” with a very enthusiastic, “YES!”

Your final instructions:

“Before we start — a couple of things. Please remember this is not a full contact sport. If the only way to not be tagged is to run over someone else and step on their face – then please, just get tagged. It’s not that big of a deal. Please take care of each other and have fun. When you are tagging someone, it is a simple, non-aggressive touch. You don’t need to smack them in the kidney. Also, make sure no one is behind you in the shoulder-to-shoulder line. If someone is right behind you and you happen to be on the losing team you might turn around and run smack into someone on your own team.”

You, as the facilitator, need to make sure there is enough room for everyone to be spread out shoulder to shoulder. Make sure they are all lined up on the front line, shoulder to shoulder. I like to have the two teams about 4-6 feet apart. Then I point to the first volunteer who yells, “Are you ready!”

Once the first round is done I remind them that if they were tagged they go to the other team, if not, they stay on the same team. Then have them go back to their safety zones to brainstorm their plan and backup plan for the next round.

Don’t let the game go on for too many rounds, but make sure they get in at least four rounds.

After I announce the last round I like to play a little trick with them. I go to the smaller team’s brainstorm huddle and discreetly tell them that since this is the last round, they will all be donkeys — and donkeys beat everything.

I generally do a donkey sound and you can make up a look that isn’t like any of the other three, “Yell, ‘Heehaw!’ and then you just run at them!”

They definitely have a great time with this last round. After it’s over the other team will say things like, “What was that? What happened?” I just tell them they were donkeys, and donkeys beat everything. Then we have a good laugh.

This is great for orientation, leadership retreats, new students and returning students. What’s the point? Everyone has a blast! When a group has fun together, magic happens. And at the same time it creates connections and strengthens your campus community!

Troy

Let’s do some quick math based on a real-life example of a 1.6 percent increase in student retention at Maryville University in St. Louis, MO. Thanks to Dr. Beth Triplett & Dr. Jennifer McCluskey for supplying the numbers.

The Numbers:

• Number of New Freshman: 310
• Sample Retention Rate: 78.4%
• Number of Returners: 248
• “New” Retention Rate: 80.0% (1.6 percent increase)
• New Number of Returners: 253 (an increase of five students)
• Annual Net Tuition: $10,000 (Student tuition minus any institutional financial aid)
• Annual Additional Revenue: $50,000 (Five more students at $10,000 tuition each)
• Total Additional Revenue: $150,000

This example uses freshmen and assumes that your retention efforts keep them enrolled to complete their 4-year degrees. If the freshmen are on-campus residents, this will lead to additional room and board revenue. Focusing on retention often yields retention results with students becoming upper-class alumnus and that generates additional revenue as well. A reduction in expenses is also realized when you consider that it costs on average five times more to recruit and admit a new student than to retain a current student.

So my question – especially to the orientation staff – is, “What can you do this year to help increase retention rates by a mere one percent?”

Because if you do, and you can track it, that’s not only more job security, that’s ammunition to go have a talk about that raise. And don’t feel you need to wait for the economy to get better because this is exactly what the administration wants to see in any economy – someone with their eye on the bottom line.

I’d love to hear what your better ideas have been to increase retention rates. Also, what have you done to track this? I’ll continue this conversation on other blog posts about ideas to increase retention and possibly what you can do to track it.

Troy

This activity is very high energy and is great to do when you want to get people up and moving. Make sure you have enough room so it can stay safe. I’ve facilitated this activity with eight people all the way to 800 with great success.

To start the ice breaker off you’ll need to get people in to groups of exactly four. This can work with five but it’s just not quite the same. To get started, I might say something like this:

“When I say go and the music comes on, you’ll form a group of exactly four – no more and no less. Preferably with people you don’t know. When you get this group of four, stand in a circle and get to know as much about each other as you can while the music is still going. Ready, Go.”

Once they’ve formed groups and have had a few minutes to exchanges some greetings, I’ll stop the music get everyone’s attention and continue:

“Please pause and everyone turn this way. The name of this activity is called, ‘Fox and the Hound’. The person in the group who has the biggest feet, raise your hand. (pause) If you can’t figure it out, just pick someone.

Give them a couple moments so every group can get a hand up:

“If you are raising your hand, you are now officially the hound dog. Hound dogs, let me hear you howl!”

They should respond with a howl (if they don’t howl loud enough you might want to give them some creative encouragement).

“Hound dogs, take two steps away from your group. (pause) Hound dogs, go ahead and choose one person in your group. Just choose one person. (pause) Now look at that person and say to them, ‘You are the fox.’”

That will get a lot of laughter.

“Foxes, let me hear your fox sounds!”

You’ll get silence usually, and then even more laughter. (What DOES a fox sound like anyway?)

Have everyone take a seat and face towards you. Then grab three people from a group in front of you to be volunteers and get them to stand up with you. I usually don’t prepare these volunteers but you can if you’d like.

Preferably get a group with at least 2 males. You are about to ask that group to model the game and they are going to be holding hands. If they see two guys holding hands it will make it easier for the groups who have men in them to hold hands when everyone starts playing.

“So, let’s say I’m the hound dog and you [point to one of the three volunteers] are the fox. My job as the hound dog is to tag the fox. Not tackle the fox, or eat the fox, or chase the fox up a tree. [laugher, you hope], but just to tag the fox. The fox’s job is to stay away from the hound dog.”

“What are foxes known for being? Right- smart, cleaver, sly… And the fox is going to use the resources he as around him. So the fox will connect hands with the other two, forming a circle. When I try to tag the fox I might reach over like this and they will hold their hands out to bar my way. [You’ll be reaching over the clasped hands in front of you towards the fox.]

“If that doesn’t work, then I might go around the side and the group might move to stay away from me by turning around [model this as you are talking]. So I might go the other direction and come around the other way and put some moves on and go this way and that…”

As you are saying this you are running around them while they are spinning away from you. You are stopping and going the other way and spinning around to fake them out. Have fun with it and be tricky and fast if you can. The demonstration group will figure it out as you go.

“Notice this is more of a spinning around activity as opposed to a running across the room activity.”

Stop playing the game to explain more details.

“I can reach over their hands to tag the fox but the group will probably stop me from getting to close. [Demonstrate like before] But I can’t just jump over their hands like Superman [demonstrate Superman and people might laugh again]. I can reach under their hands [bend down to reach under], but I can’t go under. And I can’t do like Red rover, red rover and bust through the hands.”

“If you happen to tag the fox [demonstrate reaching over their hands and tagging the fox’s hand] then I celebrate and yell ‘ONE!’ and step back and try to tag the fox again. I see how many times I can tag the fox until the music stops.”

“Once the music stops then you will switch roles and pick a new fox and a new hound. I’m not going to tell you who the new fox and hound is; you’ll figure that out for yourselves. Just make sure everyone gets to play each role.”

“Please be aware that this is NOT a full contact sport! Please take care of each other and BE SAFE. Also be aware of the groups around you to avoid collision.”

Stop here, take any questions and demonstrate again if you have to. Once you’ve answered the questions, have everyone stand up and spread into their groups throughout the room. You know you’ve set up the activity well when no one has any questions [and they play the game properly, of course].

“Foxes connect with the other two people. Hound dogs make sure you are two steps away from your group. [pause] Hound dogs – let’s hear your hound dog sounds! (pause for response) Ready…Go!” [play upbeat, fast music nice and loud]

Let the game go on for a while, but not too long. Usually about 30 seconds per round is enough. Make sure they have enough time to enjoy the round but not so much that they become too exhausted to play again. Pause the music and with high energy, survey the groups to see if anyone tagged their fox. “GOOD JOB!”

Now give them a few minutes to pick a new fox and a new hound from their group. Have the foxes connect up with their group. Have the hound dogs take two steps away and begin another round.

I usually try to get in a total of four rounds. Everyone is pretty exhausted at the end of the game. People are sweating and breathing hard, but smiling and laughing too. Some of those foxes and hounds end up being friends for life.

It’s just another sure-fire way to break the ice.

Troy

Pepsi plans to give away $20 million in grant money to fund projects in six categories: health, arts and culture, food and shelter, the planet, neighborhoods and education. People can go to the Pepsi website refresheverything.com – which can also be accessed through Facebook and Twitter – to both submit ideas and vote on others they find appealing.

Among those on the site now: “Form an all girls club that promotes self-esteem in poverty area” and “Build a fitness center for all students in Hays, Kansas community.”

Every month, the company will offer up to 32 grants to worthy projects in increments of $5000, $25,000, $50,000 and $250,000.

But why wouldn’t Pepsi use a Super Bowl commercial to create huge momentum for the movement? You’d think with an audience of over 100 million world-wide it would be a no-brainer.

In a recent TIME article by Sean Gregory he said, “The problem, say marketing experts, is mixing the medium with the message. ‘The Super Bowl is just too extravagant for something like this,’ says Lee Clow, chief creative officer and global director of media arts at TBWA Worldwide, the agency that created Pepsi’s campaign. “It’s seems like a contradiction to say you’re going to set aside $20 million in marketing dollars for a worthy cause, then turn around and spend $12 million on two 60-second spots for the Super Bowl. Couldn’t that money be put to better use?’”

Makes sense to me.

This move by Pepsi gives me hope. If a company wants to entice people to buy more of their products by doing good and giving back to good causes, I’m all for it. I have no delusions that Pepsi is doing this to be a good Samaritan. I’m sure there are people working at the higher levels with Pepsi who have a very strong social conscience. But when it comes down to it, big companies are only money-making machines- it’s all about the bottom line. And if they can make more money while doing good, I am behind it 100%.

So with that said, I’m encouraging everyone to go to www.RefreshEverything.com and vote every month for your favorite project. If this “test project” flops, they will go back to their old ways. But if something like this succeeds at this level it could set a precedent for more, and even bigger, social conscience movements. Can you imagine?!

Being a professional speaker and student leadership trainer, I’m on college campuses facilitating leadership retreats and orientations often. This icebreaker has never failed. I’ve used it successfully with groups as small as 10 people all the way to 800 people. This is great for adding some fun and energy to a meeting or helping new acquaintances feel more comfortable around each other. Just follow my script and it will work for you too.

Create groups

The first thing I do is get them into smaller groups- ideally no less then 4 and no more than 12. It’s best if the groups are the same numbers, but depending on the number of people, that can be a difficult thing. My favorite size ranges from 8-10. It’s important to get them into their groups in quick and succinct manor.

Move them to the outside

“With your group, stand in a circle linking elbows. Without disconnecting your arms, shuffle yourselves to the outside of the room so you make a circle of circles. Go!” Get them to spread out; ideally, they are an equal distance from you in the center.

“Now count yourselves off, one through however many people you have in your group so that everyone has a number.”

Give them time to do this. It always amazes me that some groups take about a minute to do this.

“Number 6, raise your hand” Look around to make sure every group has someone with a hand up. If they don’t, get them to find out who number 6 is. “Number 4, raise your hand. Good, everyone has a number, right?”

The set-up

“The game is called, ‘Bring it to me.’ Here’s how it works: I’ll call out a number. If that is your number, you will be the runner for that round. You’ll come to me in the center and we’ll huddle up and I’ll tell you to bring me something. I might say, ‘Bring me a left shoe’. Then I’ll say ‘break’ and you’ll go back to your group, get a left shoe, and bring it back to me as quickly as you can – while being safe of course.

“A couple of things first. If you’re in the huddle and I ask you to bring me a left shoe, you can’t just take your left shoe off and say ‘Here’s my shoe’. You have to go back to your group to get a shoe. Now, if for some crazy reason, you are the only one in your group who has a left shoe (pause for laughter – people WILL laugh), then you would go back to your group and get a left shoe from yourself and bring it back to me. But you must go back to your group before you bring it to me.”

If the groups aren’t the same size I say; “You’ll notice that some of the groups have different numbers of people. If I call out number 10 and you only have 8, just send someone else. You figure out who it is. Someone will run twice.”

Keep them safe

“Please be aware that this is not a full contact sport. Please be safe and take care of each other. If the only way to win is to knock someone over and step on their face, then just come in second.

“What questions do you have?” 

Game on!

Here’s how the game generally flows. I’ll yell out “Runner number 8!” and people will rush towards me in the center. This can be a bit crazy the first time. If a group gets overly excited someone can actually crash into you. You might need to remind them to slow down.

I have them gather around me in a huddle and usually I take a knee and repeat, “Don’t go until I say break. Bring me an article of clothing that has red on it.” I repeat this several times while looking around to make sure everyone hears me. Then I yell “Break” and they rush off. When they start coming back to me I tell them to stay until every runner is back with their item. When the last person has come back, I go right into the next number. “Runner number 4.”

How you run this transition is the key to the activity. I don’t make this a competitive game by announcing a winner. There is a different, much more competitive version, and generally takes a long time to complete. I don’t do it that way. I’m just looking for people to have fun, get excited, pump up the energy and meet new people. I keep the flow moving fast and move from one item to the next without any fanfare about who’s quickest.

Music

I like to play music during this program. It helps drive the energy. It helps to have someone running the music during the activity by turning the volume up or down depending on if you’re in a huddle or everyone is running crazy.

Here’s a list of items you might use:

1. Article of clothing with red on it
2. Cell phone
3. Ring
4. Earring
5. Bracelet
6. Watch
7. Six left shoes (I like to make a comment about how stinky it is in the room)
8. Pocket lint
9. Sweat (this is pretty gross and I only do this with certain groups who are ready for it)
10. Two people carrying one person (Sometimes I have them do two groups of this, so a total of 6 people come to me. Also make sure you stress safety. Tell the runner they can be a part of this or not. Only do this one if you think the group is ready for it and can be safe)
11. Two belts that are connected
12. A piece of hair that is not connected to the body
13. Bring everyone to me (This is the last round, and I do it differently. I tell the runner to bring everyone in their group to me and as they are running back to the group, I run off somewhere else – like the stage or end of the room – and stand on a chair, and as they all rush the center of the room I yell, “To me, to me!” and they all rush over to me. Sometimes I run from them and have everyone chase me for a few seconds.)

After the last round I have them all give themselves a hand or give high fives all around to end on a playful, fun note.

I’m constantly writing new articles to help people become better facilitators. Be on the lookout for some upcoming articles specific to the “Bring it to me” activity on how to create groups, and how to use music effectively.

Troy

I recorded this as I was walking down The Tunnel of Lights in Chicago.

I thought I knew all about this stuff but after just a few minutes with Chris I became aware of a whole new world of distinctions that describe how great we can be. I’m looking forward to learning more about my strengths so I can move forward in a more intentional and powerful way.

I noticed an older gentleman dancing to his heart’s content. I’m sure he was in his 70s, but the energy he exuded was so youthful. His smile was beaming and he was light on his toes. He just looked thrilled to be on the dance floor.

I knew I had to talk with him. I truly value the opinion of elders because they’ve been there and done that and have such a different perspective. I asked him what was his secret for a long and happy life. His advice was simple and profound:

1. Work hard
2. Don’t give up… even when things look dark
3. Dance…it’ll impress the girls and keep you feeling young

Just like with Dr. Andy, the events that shape you today often stick with you your whole life. He had a pimply face, but instead of withdrawing he found a way to overcome. Be an active participant in life with no regrets no matter what life throws your way.

And don’t forget to dance.

Troy

1. There’s the president of a Student Government Association who publicly supports the dry-campus policy yet gets caught one evening very, very drunk on campus. The school’s official policy states he should be expelled from SGA at the very least, yet he and half of the SGA believe he should be exempt and suffer no consequences since he is of legal drinking age.

2. There’s the student Residence Hall Senior Advisor who feels he shouldn’t be punished when he and his girlfriend get caught using the master key to go into other RA’s rooms and steal things.

3. Then there’s Michael Crabtree – the recent Texas Tech grad and NFL draftee who’s upset over his proposed NFL contract. Crabtree feels he shouldn’t be paid less than the person drafted before him because he SHOULD be rated higher based on the PREDICTED drafts – not the actual draft rankings! He hasn’t played a single down or attended a single practice but he’s holding out for $23.5 million! You have to read this story to believe it!

I agree with Yahoo! Sports national columnist Dan Wetzel when he says, “A sense of youthful entitlement combines with a flawed structure so that the unproven rookie often makes more than the veteran All-Pro.” And as shown by my first two, less publicized examples, it’s not just among the NFL rookies.

Real leaders, powerful leaders, leaders people actually want to follow, take responsibility and ownership for their choices – for ALL of their choices.

Leaders make mistakes. When they own up to their mistakes people can usually forgive them. But when they don’t take responsibility by coming up with excuses, blaming others or justifying, the respect disappears and people stop listening.

You may think you’re worth $23.5 million – and MAYBE you are – but that doesn’t mean you bypass the rules, or think you deserve what you haven’t yet earned. We have to train our future leaders to think and act like leaders, not like kings!

Troy

It seems absurd that I would still be nervous about joining a new group. Even as I write this, I think how ridiculous that is. But the fact is that it’s true. So if it’s true for me, it’s not too big a leap to believe that students, student leaders, and even professional staff often have a fear of joining new groups (and maybe even you reading this article ).

So what can we do about this? Since I’m forced to confront this often, I’ve come up with a couple tips for students and student leaders that have been very helpful when reaching out to a new group.

Recently I started playing pickup ice hockey and I applied the tips to help me overcome my fear of joining this new group. These are two of my tips (see the video).

What are your ideas? How do you as an orientation leader get over the fear of working with a new group of freshmen? How do you as an activities advisor, advisor your students to overcome their fears? How would you as a senior help a freshmen get over the anxiety of joining a campus organization?

And more to the point, what are the advantages of overcoming fears like this? (especially from a student or student leader perspective) How does it benefit a student to overcome or cope with this fear in both the long and short term?

Troy

A common activity I facilitate when I do diversity work with student leaders such as Orientation Leaders, RAs or Executive Boards is called “Cross the line.” It’s very well known and widely used. Usually about 10% of the participants have done this activity before with a different group and facilitator. They often come up afterward to tell me about their previous experiences. Some of the stories are more upsetting than others. Sometimes they say how the last time was just interesting but they didn’t learn anything from it. To me, that is such a wasted opportunity. They could have facilitated some powerful growth.

Occasionally I will hear horror stories. Things like, someone crossed the line for something very personal and they got very upset and people started criticizing him- making him more upset, and then other people started coming to his defense and in the end the whole group became polarized and he was so traumatized that he dropped out of school. Whew!

To me, that is facilitation gone horribly wrong. A skillful and wise facilitator could have not only stopped the drama from building but turned the situation into a positive learning experience, and bonded and unified the group, AND helped the student feel supported instead of ridiculed.

I’m telling you all this because I want to impress how important it is to do this activity right. In the wrong hands it can cause emotional damage to an individual and a group. A scary thing is that many people don’t know there is skill involved.

Here’s a common scenario…

You’re at a retreat planning session and you decide that it’s important the training address diversity issues. Some asks, “Does anyone know what we can do?” Possibly an undergrad or grad students says, “Oh, I know a diversity activity. It’s simple. I just read some sentences and they cross a line if it’s true for them.” And then the activity is scheduled in the flow and a committee is formed to come up with some questions and the person who’s idea it was is asked to run it… “Since you know that activity already…”

Does this sound familiar?

Without skill or experience the success or possible catastrophe of the activity is left up to chance. Scary and dangerous!

I know some of you love this activity and really want to do it with your group. I also know that the reality for some of you is – no budget to bring in a professional facilitator and no in-house person who has the knowledge or experience. So what can you do?

“Cross the line” can be done at different intensity levels. It all depends on the questions asked and the amount of build up to it. It can be a nice icebreaker with light questions like: “Cross the line if…you like Pepsi more than Coke…you are involved in a sport…you know what you want to do for a living.” That keeps it light and not too personal.

If you feel ready to go a little deeper with the questions notice the difference between these two very similar examples:

• “Cross the line if you, or someone in your family, or someone that you know has ever been a part of the criminal justice system.”
• “Cross the line if you, or someone in your family has ever been a part of the criminal justice system.”

The second example is much more personal. They are taking a bigger risk by crossing the line, which increases the emotions and the depth to which they are affected.

The other very crucial element that contributes to the intensity has to do with the build-up. This activity will only go as deep as they are ready to go. They go deeper and become more emotionally affected if they feel connected to and supported by the group – if they trust the group and have a bond and common experience. The more work you put into those elements up front, the deeper they can go.

Another variable that supports everything is how you set up the environment.

• One extreme… A brightly lit common area with strangers walking by on their way through the room and the sound of the cafeteria in the background (with maybe a little construction noise too).
• The other extreme… A private room with dim lighting and no windows (or windows overlooking nature with absolutely no chance of others walking by) and soft music like Enya playing in the back ground.

This is a wonderful activity- just use it with care.

I’d be interested to hear from you. Do you have any horror stories/success stories? What tips help to create success? What should we make sure not to say/do? Do you know of any particularly powerful questions, or terrible questions, or controversial questions?

Good facilitating to you,

Troy

p.s. Below is a video of my wife, Karin Malkowski Stende, presenting this program. I hope you find it useful.

Please note that this is just a snap shot of the program and not meant to be a tutorial on how to facilitate the activity.

This video is a version we do with much larger groups in a keynote-type setting as opposed to an intimate workshop. This was filmed at a new student orientation for a college in Florida. We had done a lot of work with this group to get them to a place where they were ready to fully engage in the activity. Without creating a level of safety and trust with this group of strangers the program would have been treated as a joke. Needless to say, the set up was very important.

p.p.s. You can learn more about our philosophy behind the way we do diversity training in this short video.

The worst thing one can do is yell at them to, “Be quiet!” “Stop talking!” or even “SHUT UP!” It’s hard to believe but I’ve heard the latter said by experienced people. Not only is it demeaning, but it’s disrespectful. What you want to avoid is “teacher mode.” This is the stereotypical high school teacher who uses yelling and intimidation as a way to maintain order in the classroom. People have had enough of that in their lifetime and if they get just a whiff of “teacher mode” they can do anything from become stoic to open hostility.

Here are the top 5 techniques I use to bring the focus back:

1. If you can hear me…

If you can hear me clap 3 times…if you can hear me snap 4 times…if you can hear me stomp 3 times…

This works great, especially with larger groups. You don’t have to say it very loudly. The first time you do it, only a few people closer to you will clap. That sound will get the next wave of people’s attention and they will snap with the next round. And using the ripple effect, the whole group tunes in. I’ve gotten the attention of 800 yelling and screaming new students without raising my voice louder than normal conversational tone (on a microphone of course). It’s magic when it’s done right.

Some other examples to use include…point your elbow at the ceiling (or the wall, or person next to you)…jump 3 times…howl like a wolf or the team mascot ( I’d love to hear this from the UC Santa Cruz Banana Slugs!).

One last example that sounds very cool in large groups is…if you can hear me say, shhhhhhh. Try it and listen for yourself.

One more thing; it helps if you give a number of times to do it. If you just say, “If you can hear me, clap”, people get confused.

2. Echo clap

This works similar to, “if you can hear me”. Put simply; you clap and they copy your clap. It’s hard to describe in words – but you might clap 5 times similar to…clap, clap, then three quick claps. After you clap, wait for them to respond. At first you may only get a couple of people, but immediately go into a different clap variation and more people will catch on. I don’t ever explain how to do this to the group, but if you feel you must, then don’t say anything beyond, “repeat after me.” Any more than that and it will confuse the issue.

3. Clap 7 times

This is a variation of the echo clap. All you say is, “Clap 7 times all together. Ready…and…” Then clap 7 times and count to yourself, not out loud. It’s very gratifying when you end at 7 and there are no extra claps. If there are extra claps then right away repeat the directions and start clapping. If they get it all together then attempt 15 claps. I usually don’t go higher than that but feel free.

4. Noisemakers

This is very straightforward. Use something that makes loud noise to get their attention back. It’s important not to use something that is very annoying like a whistle used by referees – unless you can make new and unusual sounds with it. It’s helpful that you explain upfront what the noisemaker is and the expectations. “When you hear this sound, “tweet,” you’d discover that by magic your mouth goes closed and your focus comes to the front of the room.” Have fun with it and don’t take yourself too seriously.

Other noisemakers could be a train whistle, duck call, warbling bird whistles, and even musical instruments. I’ve used a harmonica in the past. I don’t really know how to play it but I just jam and they bring their focus back and laugh at me. It’s all in good fun.

5. Cut the music

I abruptly stop the music to jar people’s attention. While they’re talking I turn up the music louder and louder. This gets some people’s attention. They think, “This music is so loud I can’t hear my partner. I wonder what’s going on.” and they look up front. Then I abruptly cut the music by pushing pause or stop – not by turning it down. The other half of the group that didn’t get the music being turned up suddenly realizes how loud they were talking and turn to face you.

Note: Please be aware that these are gimmicks to get the attention back. If you use the same technique over and over and over and over, the participants will get sick of it – and you. Use them sparingly.

So what do you do in the mean time so they don’t get annoyed by repeated use? The most common technique I use is to just say, “find a place to pause,” or “please pause”. I don’t need to say it too loud and after a few times they come to expect it and go quiet quicker with every use. It’s even more effective with the use of music. Right after you cut the music, speak into that lull in conversation.

Saying ‘pause’ is much more effective than saying ‘stop.’ Rarely do people stop talking right away, so by saying ‘stop,’ you’ve just put people in the wrong and that can create resistance.

So there are a few ideas to get you started. I’m confident that with your creativity applied you can come up with some fun ideas and variations of your own. For those creative types who have some new ideas, please share your brilliance [or not so brilliance- we’ll still love you] with us by commenting below. Two heads are better than one…and 50 are better than two. It’d be great to hear from you.

Troy

Remembering this special time with Grandpa, makes me think about life. How many things am I doing flat out wrong? How many ways am I stuck in a box. I’ve always done it that way so why change?  If I don’t like what I’m getting, shouldn’t I order something different? Why am I so surprised by life’s “damn tomatoes?”

Sometimes the closer we are to something the harder it is to see objectively. I find that in my life, the lives of my friends and in the budding lives of student leaders on campuses all around the country. That’s why I have a life coach and a networking group. They give me a fresh perspective on the reality of my life.

Life Coaches are amazing and if you can afford it, these professionally trained people can make a huge difference in your life. But don’t be scared off by a fee because they come if all different ranges.

Another route is to meet with peers and support each other in your greatness. Some people call this a mastermind group and it’s a grand opportunity for students to build networks that will last a lifetime.

I’m in between groups right now but my last group consisted of 4 of us. We would talk every week for 1 hour. Each person had 15 minutes. In that time you would talk about what you’re up to and what you wanted support in – the others would give feedback. I didn’t always get the answers I wanted or expected – but I always grew and found some unexpected and much needed resources to get out of my comfort zone, see a different perspective, do it a different ways or just deal with the life’s latest “damn tomato!” Besides, what’s a BLT without ‘em?

Troy

Get more support…

The National Society of Leadership and Success – www.societyleadership.org- they have Success Networking Teams: a team of likeminded, success oriented college students that share goals, networks, get advice from one another and commits to actions towards achieving desired results.

Non-Traditional College Support Group on Facebook – http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=87561839488 – This is a support group for all returning adults who have made the venture back to school after many years of being in the working world. This group is to encourage, aid, and advise of classes, help with interpretations from others in the same courses, and to blow off some steam when classes get to you.

Here’s an example of a company that does life coaching for college students: http://www.insidetrack.com/students/. They understand the student budget.

Step-by-step, this is an orientation ice-breaker that works every time.

Every semester you’re looking for a new icebreaker for student orientation. Asking around, you hear a lot of great ideas that either sound way too complicated or just aren’t the right fit. You Google, ‘icebreakers’ and it gives you about 1,080,000 results in .19 seconds. After spending forever and a day searching, you find an icebreaker that sounds simple and seems fun. How hard could it be?  After all hey describe the whole thing in 3 sentences? Come orientation day, the icebreaker flops.

This is an all too common story. Most icebreakers flop because the students don’t fully understand the directions or they feel corny or awkward doing it. It ends up being a lot of work and not a lot of play. Follow these instructions… This one’s never let me down.

I’ve used this hundreds of times with thousands of students since I learned it six years ago. . Being a professional speaker and student leadership trainer, I’m on college campuses and at leadership retreats and orientations a lot. This icebreaker has never failed me – no matter the situation or size of the group. I often do it before I even introduce myself! I’ve used it with 750 uncomfortable freshmen away from home for the first time and I’ve used it in a group of five student leaders to reenergize in the middle of an intense leadership workshop. IT WORKS! 

It’s all in the details.

Follow the script! I say the same thing, the say way, every time. Over the years I’ve found out the hard way which words work and which words don’t. Each word I say and the timing of each has a reason.

STEP 1 – “Everyone take your left hand and place it up like this. Make sure nothing is in your hands – hand flat, hand open.” (see picture)

If you are facing a large group then raise your right hand when you say “left hand.” That way everyone will raise their left hand. If you are in a circle with everyone, then raise your left hand along with everyone else.

STEP 2 – “Take your right index finger and place it in the palm of the person next to you. Make sure everyone is connected to someone. If you need to reach around or move over, go ahead and do that. Make sure everyone is connected.”

Scan the audience for people by themselves or not participating. Gesture to them to connect with someone next to them. Sometimes I even say, “It’s okay to do this” or “Make sure no one is left out.”

STEP 3 – “When I count to three you’ll do two things. The first thing you’ll do is grab the finger that is in your palm… ”

(NOTE: Avoid saying “I WANT you to do two things”. This can create resistance. Some people might say, “I don’t care what you WANT me to do.”)

“…and the other thing you’ll do is to take your finger out of their palm before they grab it. It’ll look something like this.” Demonstrate the movement in the air.

“Got it? If you don’t get it, you’ll understand it soon enough. Here we go, one… two… three!”

Model high energy, big smiles, a loud count and do it with them. Give them an extra moment to laugh and talk to their neighbors. You don’t want to cut their enjoyment off early.

“We’re going to do this 3 more times!” It’s important to say that so their expectations match the length of the activity.

STEP 4 – “Set it up again, left hand flat, right index finger in the palm of the person next to you. I see that some of you are very ready…” Demonstrate with your left hand almost closed. Look around at people doing that and gesture to them as you say, “Palm flat, palm open, no head starts. Here we go, on three. One…two…three!” Again, pause to let them laugh and comment to their partner.

STEP 5 – “Okay, this time we are going to switch hands. Now place your right hand flat and open and place your left index finger into the palm of the person next to you. We’ll see how ambidextrous you are.” Give them time to switch hands. This really throws some people off. Sometimes I look at people struggling and say, “Your other right,” with a smile, of course.

“On three, but this time I’m going to trick you. Don’t go until I say three. Only go on three. Ready…one…two…two and a half!” Do this with a hard count to throw them off. Let them laugh a couple seconds… “THREE!” Again, pause for laughter and such.

STEP 6 – “Okay, last time! This is the big one. You can stretch out if you want to.” Demonstrate stretching your fingers and have fun with it.  “It’s like the gold medal round of gotcha. Okay, set it up one more time – just like you were. Right hand up and open, left finger in the palm of the person next to you. Know that I’m going to trick you one more time. Not until I say three and only when I way three. One…two…FOUR!” Again with a hard count. This will get about 30% of them and they will laugh. Sometimes you need to mention for them to set their hands back up. Do this quickly. “FIVE!” (Hard count again)…”Six, seven, eight” (count that fast)…”TWO” (hard count)…”THREE!”

It really grabs ‘em by the…

What I love about GOTCHA is it addresses so many different factors that help a group connect and function well.

• It gets people laughing, giggling and having fun.
• It doesn’t force people to do something uncomfortable. It’s a low gradient activity that most people don’t mind doing.
• It breaks the touch barrier without making anyone uncomfortable. It’s as simple as shaking someone’s hand. Touch actually can help ease the situation and make people feel more comfortable and connected. It’s very subtle, yet powerful.
• It gets the group synchronized. Everyone is doing and moving at the same time and that helps creates cohesion and alignment.
• It gets people accustomed to following your directions. And since the first thing they did with you was enjoyable and they felt safe, they’re more likely to trust and listen to you.

So put this icebreaker in your pocket and be confident you have one that will never fail you.

Troy