Take Seven – Then Start Dating

Recently, I was on this panel discussing the difficult decision for singles of what to accomplish on the first date. Is it a time to just relax and enjoy each other or should it take on an interview format—complete with long term hopes and plans tossed out on the table in the first hour? My comment about it seemed controversial and there was some push back from some of the audience members. After all, who wants to take as long as I suggested to fall in love?! Why should you watch someone in that many settings before you jump head long into something permanent?! Was I kidding?!

Well here’s what I said and I’ll let you decide:

“It takes at least 7 encounters with a person before you know if you want to date them.”

SEVEN? Yes, seven. Let me be clear. I didn’t say before you think they are cute, because you can do that in the first glance.

I didn’t say before you are drawn to the way they carry themselves, because you can do that when you watch them pass by on the way to class.

I didn’t say before you like the sound of their voice, because you can decide that during your first conversation.

I didn’t say before you get to know their friends because you know that birds of a feather flock together and you see who they flock with every time you see them out and about on campus.

I didn’t say before you’ve spent some time with them and learned how their last few relationships worked out.

I didn’t say before you’ve hung around them in different settings (like around your friends and just the two of you) to see if there’s any difference in the way they act.

And I didn’t say before you’ve seen how they change when you get to see them interact with family from back home!

What I said was that it takes gathering a little information before you can tell if the person you’re considering is a good match for you. If you have an idea of your ‘must-have’s’ and your ‘deal breakers,’ you have a better chance of getting to know this new person if you just observe them without the pressure of performance that can come in the early encounters of dating. Just see who’s there when no one is looking. Find out who they are when they are relaxed and at ease without demands and expectations. The seven encounters can happen over a long or short period of time but the key is the gathering of information in order to make an informed decision.

My disturbed audience members wanted to be assured that love sneaks up on you and overtakes you leaving you helplessly falling into the clutches of romance and passion. Well, yes, you can be instantly attracted to someone after only a glance and yes, some people can create and maintain long term love without lots of time and preparation, but that is by far the exception and not the rule. Love is a choice and dating is a decision. Take your time and take seven – you decide.

About Dr. Torri "Love" Griffin (23 Posts)

Dr. Torri “Love” Griffin, LPC is the creator of the LiSENSE 2 DATE™ Relationship Training Program which teaches singles of all ages to “use common SENSE to remove NONSENSE so their relationships make SENSE.”